Something many people have now learned about me recently; I fucking adore the 1999 The Mummy staring Brendan Fraser, I have for most of my life, even if Imhotep scared me as a kid, and probably in the near future I'll be reviewing that film. While that's nice, it did mean my expectations for this remake were exceptionally low, especially since this remake is the first chapter in a cinematic universe, and would inevitably be plagued with the same problems as Batman V Superman and Kong: Skull Island. Over the years I've learned that low expectations can sometimes be beneficial to a film, but is this one of those times? let's see.
The Mummy, of course, opens with a prologue to set things up, giving us some Crusaders, an important looking Stone, and some classic Mummy stuff with gods and mystical daggers and a Mummification, which is far less nasty than the Imhotep mummification scene, but I'll try to keep comparisons to a minimum. Let's get to characters, and we'll start in the middle; Nick, who's fine, but really nothing special. The soldier-of-fortune thing is cool at first, as he runs around an Iraqi village doing his best Nathan Drake impression, and there's a dynamic with him and Ahmanet that looks like it's going to go somewhere, until the film just drops it. The problem with his character is he's just not that interesting, he seemingly forgets his Nathan Drake impressions after getting out of Iraq, and his character loses a lot of the fun that that brought with it, literally becoming little more than a plot device, he's still Tom Cruise, but he's no Ethan Hunt, by any stretch. An even less interesting character is Jenny, who really does nothing for the plot, she slaps him, which was funny, but her character is just so flat and weak, and even more uninteresting than Nick. Meanwhile Nick's friend, who makes semi regular appearances, is the comedic relief character, which means he'll either be harmless and good for the odd chuckle, or an infuriating on screen presence, which one you see in him is subjective. A higher point in this film is Russell Crowe's Dr. Jekyll, the cool leader of the cool secret organisation that is straight up Monarch from Godzilla, I think it has a name like Prodigium or something. Jekyll was actually a pretty cool character, wanting what's best for mankind, while not being as kind hearted as you'd expect, and having plans for Nick just as Ahmanet does, and his first scene with Nick, when he tells him a story, is one of my favourite scenes in the film. Getting Jekyll means you do also get Hyde, and when you eventfully get to see him, it's badass, and it makes Jekyll/Hyde easily the best character in the film, and I actually kind of like Prodigium, if that's what it's called, which is good since there's so much of that in this film that it might as well have been called that instead of The Mummy. In that it does fall into the same trap as Batman V Superman and Kong: Skull Island, that of wanting to be a movie, while seemingly needing to be a prequel to other movies, only problem here is the film makes no effort to keep secrets; literally putting "Dark Universe" at the beginning of the movie, and that kind of ruins this film being about a Mummy, since now it's also about this 'Dark Universe' and the film needs to put energy to that, and therefore take it away from the Mummy stuff. Speaking of the Mummy stuff, Ahmanet, surprisingly, is awesome, her backstory is essentially the same as Imhotep's, only way more evil and fucked up, and in some ways she subverts Imhotep, being evil and merciless, turning everyone she meets into zombie slaves, while going full Succubus on Nick, no surprise, Sofia Boutella kicks arse as both the evil demon bitch, and the convincingly sympathetic Succubus, even if an interesting conflict her seduction could create isn't capitalised upon and expanded upon, and that seduction is, like Nick's Nathan Drakeisms, forgotten at a point. What I do like is that they actually tried to make Ahmanet scary; at least at first, even if the film has a problem I'll get to later. Right now though we have another problem; the film's ending, it's shit, obviously I can't explain why I think that without ruining the film, but, being part one in the 'Dark Universe,' the film is left very open by the end, and is painfully lacking in finality, it literally has a 'just the beginning' ending, and it sucks.
There's some cool action scenes in this film, but that's to be expected with Tom Cruise in the lead role, the plane crash scene in the trailer is probably the coolest scene in the film, and is really cool, while the chase through the Iraqi town is also pretty fun, and there's a forest chase that's a lot of fun too, but the slower moments do little to add substance to the film with the weak characters, making this film very janky in its pacing, even with the only occasionally funny funny parts. Then there's a scene that is ripped straight out of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, and while one thing about this scene is cool, the scene itself is bizarre, like they thought the scene from the '99 Mummy was cool, and they thought they could make it cooler, they didn't. The film's inevitable final showdown against the Mummy is anticlimactic, it's not terrible, but there's just too much payoff for not enough build up, and the film's ending sucks, and that doesn't help. This is going to sound weird, but bear with me, the Mummies in this film look like something out of The Mummy; the scenic CGI, i.e. the CGI that looked good in Alien: Covenant, is good here, but when shit starts going down, and the Mummy starts doing her evil thing, the CGI actually doesn't look all that much better than the '99 Mummy, it's weird. Maybe it's a good thing, since the CG in the '99 Mummy actually doesn't look all that bad for the most part, but that film's nearly 20 years old, I suppose it's a lot like Jurassic Park, the technology has improved massively, but the idea itself hasn't changed, and despite having better effects, it still looks the same. A friend of mine also noticed what she called a continuity error in the film; I think that 'error' is quite minor however when you consider how deeply flawed the rest of the film is. Like I said earlier, the pacing is off, there's some cool action scenes, but the rest of the film is either boring or really heavily expository; when it's Russell Crowe being expository, that's fine, but when it's Nick girlfriend or zombie buddy, it doesn't come across even remotely interesting, and when Nick and his girlfriend need to do some bonding, it just reminds you that the romance subplot quota is something that should die. Something that did just come to mind is the music; the trailer features Paint it Black by Rolling Stones, a great music choice, but it's not in the film, and the film's soundtrack is forgettable, I know it's a minor thing given what I complain about in movies, but this film's soundtrack isn't that impressive, I say that because I can't remember a single beat of it. I do have another problem with the film, I know, shocker; jumpscares, films like The Conjuring have proved that jumpscares can be done right, but this film's opening act is so overly reliant on them that it isn't fun, it's just the easiest way to get a reaction out of people, and it completely deflates the tension, but tension takes effort, so lets have every sudden scare accompanied by a loud noise, that'll scare 'em.
The Mummy at least has two things going for it; a really cool Mummy, and a really cool Jekyll, and they do save this otherwise flat and forgettable action movie from being completely worthless. Its lead characters are mechanically serviceable, and largely lacking in any real meaning or personality, the supporting line up is a graveyard, and the film's pacing is all over the place. It has some cool action scenes, mainly a fun opening battle in a village, a cool plane crash, and an enjoyable chase through a forest, but the characters do little to propel the film past those scenes. And when all is said and done, the final show down is anticlimactic, and the ending is terrible, at least there's no post credit scene. The Mummy also tries to bend other elements like horror in with its action, and it's over reliance on tired horror tactics ruins that too. Again, Ahmanet and Jekyll are the film's saving graces, and if you've seen the original Mummy or the '99 Mummy, this might be worth checking out, but if you haven't, there are a few Mummy movies out there at do what they do better than this.
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