The Waman Who Fell to Earth (Part Two)

For Christmas this year I got a very nice present, that I had to buy myself with all my Christmas money, I got me a sexy laptop, and in just a few short days I'd already named it and wrapped up two posts that'd been gathering digital dust on the family PC for about a month; Long Live The King and Battlefield V: The End of the Line. But with those two out of the way, that leaves one project of mine that remains incomplete, and while I loved rambling about Godzilla and got a guilty pleasure out of rambling about Battlefield, this one will not be pleasurable, this will be painful. Since publishing the first instalment in this set; the eleventh series of Doctor Who has aired in its entirety, and as of me writing this the New Year Special is only a few days away, and also as of me writing this, I've still only seen two episodes of this series. That's going to change now though, because I'm going to watch it, all of it, all ten episodes and the special, in other news I got a handsome amount of Jack Daniel's Whiskey for Christmas, I wonder how much of it will be left by the end of this. I made a point about the series' RT audience score in my last post, and back then it sat at fifty five percent, the lowest score of any New Who series, and a far cry from its critic score of ninety six percent. Those numbers have changed since then, and not for the better, with its critic score dropping by two percent to ninety four, and its audience score dropping to twenty seven percent, yes, twenty seven, since the series started its score has halved, and do you know what else nose-dived over the run of the series, its ratings. Unlike other New Who series' where the ratings went up and down, eleven saw a consistent drop for its entire ten week run, losing three million overnight viewers in that time. A good start ratings wise gave way to pretty average Doctor Who viewing figures, despite apparently being the boldest, most original and best series Doctor Who has ever had, not to mention the gimmick of the first woman in the role. I don't know if that's quality related though because I haven't watched the whole series yet, but I'm about to, so here we go, no more foreplay, let's just do it.

The Woman Who Fell to Earth

I am not joking when I say that the first ten seconds on this episode made me want to punch myself in the face. Literally the first line that is spoken in series eleven is Ryan, one of our new companions, talking about the greatest woman he ever met. This was one of the two episodes I had watched before writing this, so I know that this is a red herring and that the woman he's on about is actually his nan, which is kind of sweet, but that doesn't change my gut reaction to the line when I first heard it, guess it shows how much faith I had in this series, or how paranoid I am about the communi- I mean SJW's. To be fair though, this introduction to the series could have been a whole lot worse, initially Ryan being both black and disabled stunk of quota filling, and it still does, even god knows how many weeks it's been since I last watched this episode, but watching it again for the review, this is a solid set up for two of our companions, Ryan seems like a good kid, the show sets up a compelling drama with him, his nan and his nan's new husband; Graham, who, saying it now, is the best thing about series eleven, I can already feel it. Ryan's disability is also very important to this opening scene, but it's incorporated into the drama in a surprisingly compelling way. Then we get our first taste of the alien shit as Ryan accidentally summons a giant space Hershey, and the visual effects are pretty good, yet still have a bit of low budget charm to them, and you know what, it's so far so good to be honest, I mellowed to the red herring once I knew it was a red herring, and so far everything's been going well, I like the characters, and the visual effects are good, so what could go wrong from here.

As it turns out, a few things, because then we meet Yasmin, a police officer in training who wants to do more with her life, and like Ryan, her character stinks of quota filling and diversity, but unlike Ryan, she isn't introduced in a compelling or dramatic way, and the politics really isn't hard to find. How about Graham, the only white guy, also being a coward, while his wife, the black woman, is the strong and proactive one of the two, a comedic role reversal, or the BBC at it again? I know what I'd bet on. And we haven't even seen the Doctor yet. The build up to her arrival is done quite well though, the scene on the train is spooky and mysterious, and for a minute, it kind of felt like Doctor Who, I was reminded of Rose and the Autons briefly, and then in crashes the Doctor, literally, through the ceiling, and my will to live starts to drain. The episode actually makes it a point that the Doctor is a woman now by having Yasmin call her madam and her being surprised and confused, but more annoying than that is how the character is introduced, she's annoying. She reminds me a lot of Matt Smith to be honest, and while that may be good for some, I personally couldn't stand the eleventh Doctor, but at least Matt Smith was weird and different, a bit too much for me, yes, but he wasn't just doing a David Tennant impression, unlike Jodie Whitaker, who is just annoying, in the way she acts and talks, but also in the way she possesses gravitas, because she doesn't. She's a talker, but she has nothing interesting to say, she's a comedian, but her jokes are bottom of the barrel, safe, politically correct drivel, what a shocker, and she's a hero with a completely unearned sense of heroism. She's not as bad as I thought she'd be, or at least she isn't in this first episode, but Matt Smith left a more positive impression on me in The Eleventh Hour than Whitaker does in this one, which isn't a good start.

But the episode really falls apart when we meet the villain, who, and I'm not kidding, the Doctor calls Tim Shaw. Apparently his name is actually T'zim-Sha, and he's a Stenza, a warrior race that sort out their politics through ritualism and conquest, and they also wear their victims' teeth on their faces. Well, I gotta give it points for weirdness, he's a blue ice guy with a face full of teeth, and he's also on a hunt, because to assume the throne of his home planet he must come to Earth and hunt a human. The build up to his reveal was actually kind of cool, like the scene on the train, it was creepy and atmospheric, and I really like the scene where he emerges from the space Hershey, his armour is uninspired but cool in a generic sci fi way, and his method of killing is cold and brutal, and apparently too violent for television. But then we have the contrivance of him 'cheating' in his ritual by bringing equipment to Earth to help him in his hunt, but to be honest, this is a minor contrivance compared to all the others. Doctor Who is no stranger to contrivance, most famous of all being the Sonic Screwdriver, a tool that does anything and everything the plot needs it to, but The Woman Who Fell to Earth doesn't just give us a Sonic Screwdriver, one that looks absolutely hideous, more closely resembling a dildo than previous Sonic designs, but it gives us one that the Doctor builds in a workshop in Sheffield. So apparently time lord technology isn't that hard, in fact it's so easy that a spoon, a blow torch and a battery is all you need, and the scene where she builds it is supposed to be epic, I know that, but the only epic thing about it is the cringe from looking at Jodie Whitaker's stupid fucking face, there's quirky, then there's annoying and awkward, and Whitaker clearly doesn't know the difference. But then, before she even builds the Sonic, she turns a smart phone into an Alien Tracker, because apparently there are apps for that sort of thing. This is Doctor Who, this is a show that asks you to suspend your disbelief a lot, in fact you could say there are no rules in this show, but when you're being this 'bold' and 'original' with your new take on the series, it helps to not be lazy, and this episode's sci fi elements are all incredibly uninspired and lazy, along with the contrivances that it simply can't afford while trying to sell us on the new Doctor.

The finale with the cranes isn't a bad finale in all honesty, there is a tiny bit of tension as T'zim-Sha and the Doctor race to the human target, and there is, of course, the big speech about how the Doctor knows who she is now and that she is the Doctor, which is the point in the episode that we're supposed to be sold on the new Doctor, and to be honest, I wasn't, this Doctor had all the dumb of Doctors ten and eleven, but none of the gravitas or intensity of ten, again, wasn't a fan of eleven. What made Tennant so good as the Doctor was that dichotomy, the ability to be a goof ball with a heart of steel, someone who would make jokes and be silly, but had it in him to really fuck up anyone that crossed him, and that dichotomy is not here with Whitaker, she's stupid and awkward, but she isn't even the slightest bit threatening or scary, the commanding presence of previous Doctors just isn't there, and she needs that to be the Doctor, she fails at it. When she is telling the Stenza to leave in peace before she makes him leave, it's clearly supposed to be epic and badass, but it isn't, Whitaker just doesn't sell herself in the role in this episode, and since that's the point of the first episode, the episode as a whole fails, even with the handful of things it gets right like Ryan and Graham or the space Hershey. And I suppose those are my thoughts on this episode; it gets a few things right, I like some of the new characters, and the sci-fi alien shit is on a fine line between generic but serviceable and uninspired and dull. But the biggest problem with the episode is the Doctor, who I do not like in this episode, even though it's the episode's job to make me like her, even if the politics wasn't there, this would be the least compelling Doctor New Who has ever had, but then there is the politics, creeping in the back of my mind, creeping in the diverse casting and between the lines of the script, I try to ignore it with films, games and TV, but sometimes I just can't, Doctor Who is one of those times, and that's because like Ghostbusters before it, Doctor Who means something to me, it's special, and that makes the infection so much harder to tolerate.

The Woman Who Fell to Earth is better than I expected, but that doesn't mean anything since I expected it to be unwatchable, but if this is what Doctor Who's going to be now; boring and lazy with a barely functional cast of heroes and a cringy lead, as well as a liberal sprinklings of identity politics, then no thanks, but unfortunately the BBC doesn't give us the freedom to not financially support this, so I might as well carry on, keep the torture coming.

The Ghost Monument

I'm going to say a nice thing for once, I like the new intro, the first episode didn't have it and that keeps skipping my mind, but the new theme grew on me after hearing it a few times and the visuals are really nice, so there, something about this show that I like, the intro, and speaking of intros, what a mess the first ten minutes of this episode is. With most of the character set up out of the way and a bigger fish on the horizon, I'll be trying to keep this one brief, but the opening of this episode tries desperately to have tension as the crew are separated and the Doctor and Yasmin crash land on a desert planet. The scene isn't as tense as it wants to be though because of the issues the Doctor had in the first episode; that being a lack of authority and gravitas, so when she's arguing with the ship's captain about how to not die, it sounds more like a know it all, overly argumentative woman than an authoritative leader. But, like me, she did forget about Yasmin's existence, I was much more interested in Ryan and Graham, the two people I actually like in this show now, who are already on the planet. And the crash landing is a joke, with the two characters I like seemingly having Prometheus syndrome and not understanding how straight lines work.

And then in creeps the politics as dickhead captain no.1, who's a white guy, talks down to dickhead captain no.2, a woman, once again, is it banter, or the BBC and their nefarious agendas. Humour's kind of on point though, Graham complaining about aliens putting things in him is admittedly pretty funny, and once again cements him as my favourite character. And then we get the big reveal that the titular Ghost Monument is actually the Tardis, which was completely absent from the first episode also, and has become a very continent plot device here, well well. And you know what, now having the intro and the Tardis doesn't make this feel any more like Doctor Who, because Jodie Whitaker keeps talking and I keep wanting her to shut up, she's somehow even more annoying in this episode than she was in the first. At least the drama of the first episode is going smooth, as Ryan and Graham struggle to cope with the grief of Grace's death and Graham keeps trying to connect with Ryan. And in creeps the politics again as dickhead pilot no.1 tells the story of why he's such a dickhead, while dickhead pilot no.2 tells us a sad story of how she has to save her family, the problem with the identity politics of media is that it puts my guard up; this is something I've talked about before relating to Wonder Woman and Black Panther, two films I feared would be giant ballads of social justice, they weren't, thankfully, but this is the kind of paranoia identity politics brings out, the questioning of everything as to whether it's harmless or political, a paranoia that's not entirely unjustified because they're everywhere. And then Chris Chibnall shows us how in touch with the youth of today he is with a Call of Duty joke, while completely ignoring the disability he establishes Ryan to have in the first episode, real consistent there, and bruh, that joke was lit.

The episode also keeps bringing up the mystery of the planet, like we care, like Jodie Whitaker's Nigel Marven looking for the Giant Claw or something, and the fact that the atmosphere is toxic keeps coming up as well, even though everyone is breathing that very atmosphere and showing no ill effects, real consistent there, again. But it turns out that the answer to the mystery is the Stenza, Chibnall must be really proud of his Predator Knock off with a funny name, like Moffat and the Weeping Angels, only, you know, generic and lazy, at least the talking bedsheets are creepier, but can apparently be defeated with the flammable atmosphere. As it turns out, the air is flammable, but there's luckily a layer close to the ground that isn't, conveniently allowing our heroes to live when they ignite it with a conveniently self lighting cigar. It's funny how when they were getting shot at with lasers earlier the atmosphere didn't ignite then, but then again, it's also funny how this lifeless planet with a toxic atmosphere has plants. It's also a sign of growth that your dickhead captain no.1 now sees dickhead captain no.2 as his equal, how sweet, how progressive. But thank god that they can get off that deadly, uninhabitable, toxic planet in the Tardis, which has once again been redesigned, like what it looked like before could be improved upon, and would you look at that, it wasn't improved. It's funny how you don't notice how good something is until it's gone, I never paid the Capaldi era Tardis design any mind until I saw this design, and you know what, that Capaldi design was actually really nice, it was clean and practical and colourful, unlike the dingy junk pile Whitaker's now flying around in. It's dark, it's small, the console looks even more like it's made from scrap, the colours are flat and ugly, and even the exterior has a sickly greenish hue to it now. Just how much they screwed up the design of the Tardis shouldn't surprise me now that I've seen what they did to the Daleks, but this design is ugly.

The Ghost Monument didn't annoy as much as The Woman Who Fell to Earth, though not for Jodie Whitaker's lack of trying, but the space race plot keeps things going at a tolerable pace, and the setting isn't as cool as the episode thinks it is, but maybe could have been had they tried a little harder, but then we get the generic robot guards and the talking bed sheets and it occurs to me that they might have actually been trying, it's just that they're not very good. The monsters of this episode could be terrifying if they were done right, but it's all build-up for very little payoff, and as a result, far from being scary, they're just sad. Were this episode part of a previous series, it'd be a fine, functional, forgettable episode, but this is the second underwhelming episode of the series, and we're just two episodes in, this isn't a good sign for the rest of the series.

Two down, only nine to go

My original plan was to talk about the first episodes of this series today, but if every review is three paragraphs long, we'll be here all day, and something tells me I'll have a lot to say about Rosa, so it looks like this series that I wanted to be a three parter is going to end up being a six or seven parter, so make sure you've got your seat belt on because this will be a long and bumpy ride. Still, it's 2019 now, it's a new year, and this year I intend to keep up with reviewing the films I watch, and with part one of this series already up, I can't just stop now, as much as I want to. So stay tuned for my rant about Doctor Who's first attempt to tackle Racism, which I'm sure isn't going to be unbearable, and if I have the time, Doctor Who's attack of Donald Trump and Americans, and oh yeah, there are spiders in it too. I'll be honest though, series eleven isn't quite as bad as I'd feared so far, but even with that in mind, this is far, far below the bar this show set for itself when fell in love with it as a kid, and in that regard, it's exactly what I expected.

The Waman Who Fell to Earth (Part One)

For months now, I've been conflicted as to whether or not I'd even give Doctor Who's eleventh series my time, for reasons I will be going into today, culminating in what I actually think of the series itself, because I'm going to watch the whole damn thing like a masochist. And if I may say, in all honesty I'm impressed at the ratings episode one reached, eight million overnight viewers, not the highest the series has ever seen, but certainly the highest its seen in a while. How much of that was genuine interest or just morbid curiosity is something we found out very soon though as the show lost two million viewers in just the first two weeks. In all honesty though, that's not out of the ordinary for Doctor Who, perhaps a better indication of this series' reception can be found on Rotten Tomatoes, with the disparity between critics and audiences currently sitting at a whopping forty one percent, making it not only the largest disparity of any Doctor Who series since the revival, but also the lowest rated series since the revival at fifty five percent, what a cracking start that was. In this first instalment of our latest story, I'll de discussing why I love Doctor Who, what it is about series eleven that makes me so mad, and the build-up to the airing of the series itself, with a second instalment further down the line when the whole series has aired.

This is Dee, my first remote controlled Dalek that I got from a
motor rally a long time ago. He's old now, he still works but
one of his motors doesn't work properly, so he sits on top
of my bookshelf now, and looks damn fine doing it.

Like my Black Ops 4 rant, I'll be beginning with just where my apprehension and anger towards series eleven came from, it comes from a much younger, much more optimistic me who fell in love with a weird northerner and his magic phone box. The year is 2005, and apart from quintupling in weight and becoming more nihilistic and cynical, I really haven't changed much, I loved toys and video games and my two favourite things in the world were Godzilla and Thunderbirds- and Benji, love you boy. Unbeknown to an oblivious me however, the wheels were turning at everyone's favourite publicly funded national broadcaster, Doctor Who was making a comeback, and it was through my Dad that I was introduced to Daleks' Invasion Earth 2150AD, which was on TV the day before Rose, the first episode in Doctor Who's return to TV, was airing.

I told this story once before when the casting of Whitaker was announced, but it's worth going through here because this was where my love of Doctor Who started; I instantly fell in love with the Daleks, I thought they were so cool, and a day later we all sat down and watched the Doctor and Rose run away from plastic people for half an hour, I was disappointed by the lack of Daleks, but Rose did get me interested, I liked Doctor Who, and I was excited for each new episode. That was until episode six; Dalek, where Doctor Who really became an obsession for me, Daleks weren't just cool anymore, they were frightening, philosophical, sympathetic, and while eight-year-old me couldn't appreciate just what this episode meant, he was turned into the biggest Doctor Who fan in his primary school by it. This period of my young life is something I still hold onto, both sentimentally and literally, I still have most of my old Doctor Who toys; the Tardis playset, the console of which now sits on my computer desk, the RC K-9 shoved under the bed in the spare room, two RC Daleks, as well as a third I bought myself just last Christmas, the Doomsday set that included the Genesis Ark and the Cult of Skaro, I still have it all, I in fact kept buying even into adulthood, now spending my own money on even more Dalek toys and even a canvas poster of the Daleks, because would it be a poster of anything else.

This wasn't a result of my love of Doctor Who being kept alive by the ongoing run however, because this was at the tail end of Steven Moffat's reign as showrunner, which lasted from series' five to ten. Call me crazy, but I never liked Matt Smith as the Doctor, I always felt that he was less able than Tennant or Eccleston to play a Doctor who was both crazy and eccentric but also emotionally vulnerable and cold. The subtle role reversal in Dalek as the titular Dalek becomes more human and the Doctor becomes more Dalek would never have been so effective were Eccleston replaced with Smith because Eccleston was convincingly dangerous and Smith never was because he was too busy eating fishfingers and wearing a fez. But as far as the problems Doctor Who would run into are concerned, an underwhelming and overly eccentric Doctor is just the tip of the iceberg. The biggest issue Doctor Who came down with, at least to me, was that the show gradually degraded in quality over Moffat's run, the episodes got sillier and sillier, the characters became less fun and compelling, and, it being the BBC in the 21st century, gradually lost its subtlety and began preaching. I was never a huge fan of Amy and Rory, who never compared to Rose or Martha or Donna, Clara I liked in some ways but hated in others, and I'd tuned out entirely by Bill Potts. Then there was the Doctor himself, who I didn't like in the Matt Smith days. Peter Capaldi could have been a brilliant Doctor had he been given decent episodes to star in, but instead series eight and nine were a mixed bag to say the least, series eight had some interesting and fun episodes like Mummy on the Orient Express and Flatline, but then it had Kill the Moon and In The Forest of the Night, two royal stinkers. Series Nine was the same, only now every episode was a two-parter, and they all had the same problem of interesting setups and underwhelming payoffs, I remember really enjoying The Magician's Apprentice and being disappointed by The Witch's Familiar, and that was one of about two and a half stories that didn't suck, unlike Sleep No More, Face the Raven, Hell Bent, The Zygon Invasion and Before the Flood, which were all terrible.

To tell the truth, I never even watched series ten, not a single episode. The roller coaster of quality had thrown me off at that point and I'd almost completely lost interest, then I heard Bill Potts was gay, and I was done. Another thing that changed as Doctor Who declined in quality during the Moffat run was I was starting to grow wise to the creeping social justice in media. I'd been oblivious for a long time, but it was in 2014 that I had my first run-in with a progressive, she was my girlfriend at the time, incidentally. It was through her that I was introduced to, or rather, warned of feminism, and through feminism that I stumbled across the likes of Sargon of Akkad on YouTube because I'd decided to dig into this strange new world I'd been warned of by the very person arguing its virtue, she wasn't very smart. Digression aside, as I continued to get a grasp on the sphere of identity politics, I started noticing red flags popping up in film and TV that I was watching, and though I could usually overlook it, there were times where I just couldn't, and Bill Potts was one of those times. Since I was aware of what manner of hiring quotas and discrimination was going on behind the scenes at the BBC, Bill Potts stuck out to me as someone to fill a checkbox, also bear in mind this was after the Master became Missy and a time lord regenerated from a white man to a black woman and then commented on male ego. At this point I'd gotten the picture; Doctor Who's priority was no longer just to be a good show, it had something to say now, something it wasn't going to be subtle about, and something I could not agree with.

What all these things; Missy, the time lord talking about male ego, Bill Potts being the Doctor's first openly gay companion, were the product of was a desire to forward a progressive narrative, to ensure that all the special groups and interests had their boxes ticked. What was also apparent was how Moffat and his writers had been sowing the seeds for a female Doctor, which was never just going to be a simple recast, but a symbolic ideological conquest, the complete domination of a 'male dominated' show, because as we know, to progressives 'white' and 'man' are dirty words. So yes, as everyone knows at this point, when the new Doctor was revealed to be Jodie Whittaker, the reaction was split with a great deal of the split going down political lines; between the progressives who wanted a female Doctor because muh Feminism, and people like me who saw the ideological motives behind it for what they were. Not that dissimilar to Battlefield 5, this got under my skin, and like Battlefield 5, the reasons as to why they did this weren't very well hidden and were soon out there in the world. Chris Chibnall, the show's new showrunner, had made it a requirement for his taking the position that the Doctor be a woman, which only sounds good if you buy into the narrative, considering that cutting the pool of candidates in half, well, cuts the pool of candidates in half, and does so along arbitrary lines that discriminate against people and are informed by the cult mentality of the BBC and their fanaticism for forced representation and diversity.



Question 6 in the interview Whittaker did on the BBC website after the announcement, easily the most telling

 part of the interview in which she states she's a feminist and that it "feels incredible" to not be "boxed in" and be

 told what to do, placing herself as both a victim and an agent of change. Also of note is how the answer is

worded, with her declaring that she's a feminist first and an actor third, whether intentional or unintentional,

a subtle but undeniable indicator of the progressive motivations behind the scenes.

This was apparent from the day Whitaker's casting was announced, in fact in my first post on the subject; Bring on the Meteor VII, I went through an interview Jodie Whittaker did on the BBC website, one in which she unambiguously lets slip the feminist narrative. What followed was exactly what you'd expect; the Doctor Who fanbase, what little sanity there is left in it, went through a schism, while the BBC and progressive media went on the attack by downplaying the backlash and dismissing it as trolls and misogynists, so Ghostbusters 2.0, called it. Meanwhile in reality the video the BBC uploaded revealing the casting, which currently sits at just over a million views, has a worrying ten thousand downvotes to seventeen thousand upvotes, though to its credit, the following trailers did see a more positive like dislike ratio. That's apart from the release date trailer, with an even worse ratio than the reveal trailer at fourteen thousand up to eleven thousand down, and don't worry, that trailer's coming up.

In fact, let's just get to it. The show's main trailers are all fine, Whittaker referring to her companions as her "new best friends," is disconcerting,  as is the hammy accent and Whittaker's even hammier delivery, but I can ignore that, I can even ignore the music choice in the second trailer being really out of place unless you were to go full Alex Jones on it and realise that the song is Glorious by Macklemore, a possible allusion to the self-righteousness of Chibnall and his crew. I can't say I was impressed by these trailers, but I can't say they were complete turnoffs, even with the second trailer repeating the slogan of the release date trailer, which makes me feel sick to read. Where I get pissed off is in that release date trailer, a brief teaser depicting Whittaker literally breaking a glass ceiling before the slogan "it's about time" is shown. This thirty second teaser has less subtly than the entirety of The Emoji Movie, in fact it's quite impressive just how totally they destroyed any illusion that this wasn't political in such a short amount of time. So what really needs to be explained about this, breaking the glass ceiling, this is a blatant allusion to the feminist delusion of the "glass ceiling," the notion that there are institutional barriers in place that keep women out of high paying positions, institutional barriers that haven't existed since when Doctor Who was new, literally. Let's take for instance equal pay, which was enshrined in law in the 70's, while feminists still whine about the so called pay gap of 19%, an average number that intentionally ignores factors like different jobs and hours worked, and also ignores that on average, young women are now out earning young men, something I, as a young working man, and not going to whine about because I don't see it as some slight on my identity, unlike entitled feminists. Like the pay gap, the glass ceiling is a myth, one spawned from a simple truth that in general, men and women prefer to work different jobs, but to consider that it might be the result of individual choices would wreck their collectivist victim narrative.

A photo I took of a local billboard sporting the offending slogan; "It's About Time"

Getting back to the trailer, "it's about time," there's a few innocent ways of interpreting this, such as a reference to the gap between the release of series' ten and eleven, or it could be a crappy pun, given that the show is about a time traveller. But we all know that's not what this really is, the whole "it's about time" thing is an expression of the [current year] progressive mentality. You know what I'm saying, their justification of "it's [current year];" the idea that what they're doing is making up for some kind of historical wrong, or as a justification for something being sanitised or arbitrarily diversified. Example; IGN, the bastion of video game journalism that it is, released their review of Trash Ops 4's Zombies mode, in which they sucked the game's dick for the entire review, but did criticise it for its racial insensitivity. They weren't happy that Takeo, who has always been an archetypal honourable samurai of unbending loyalty to the Emperor, is stereotypical and therefore offensive, and that "in 2018, video games can do better than this." Never mind that that's an entirely moralistic argument, never mind that Takeo has been like that for a decade now and has become so endearing to players precisely because of the wacky comedy that ensues from his uber-honourableness, and Tank's uber-American-ness, and Richtofen's uber-crazy Nazi scientist-ness, they're all wacky stereotypes, and it's part of what makes them great. To IGN in this example, Takeo struggling to pronounce words with the letter L in them is racist and should have been fixed because it's 2018 and because we should all be woke by now, it's about time, in Doctor Who, there having never been a female Doctor is a historic wrong that must be fixed because it's 2018, "it's about time," because history needed to be righted and they're the ones to right it and how wrong they are is irrelevant, because they've determined themselves to be right about everything and for there to be no possible answer besides theirs, because they're a cult.

And this is just from the marketing; like Battlefield 5; there's a saga of behind the scenes drama as the BBC and the usual suspects have been relentlessly defending Whittaker as the Doctor while failing to address and instead accidentally confirming the critics' real concerns, and downplaying and hand waving those critics as best they can. This isn't a surprising tactic, it's something we saw with Ghostbusters, it's something we're seeing with Star Wars and Battlefield, and it's a practice the BCC themselves have engaged in in the past. If people question the narrative, if the see through it and call it out, best to just ignore them, to stick your head in the sand, because that won't validate the critics and endear resentment and distrust towards you at all, they're all just misogynists, all of them, or at least the ones that aren't Russians looking to bring down western democracy by shitting on your flawless and perfect product, because you're not wrong, everyone else is. Once again, this is what we've seen before; Melisa McCarthy calling Ghostbusters' critics basement dwellers, J.J. Abrams saying The Last Jedi haters are just afraid of women, and now the recent comedy routine of the idiots who made The Last Jedi saying that it was the Russians, yeah, that was a real story, Star Wars is dying of the Russians, according to the progressive reality deniers. The BBC and media have been doing the exact same thing with Doctor Who, either ignoring the resentment swelling within the Doctor Who fanbase or belittling it as a minority of sad woman haters, because as we saw with Ghostbusters and Star Wars, that's a winning tactic, that won't result in a catastrophic failure at all. Fast forward to now and Doctor Who's ratings, as I expected them to, started high and then nose-dived, losing two million viewers in the first two weeks, also note the laughably low RT audience score of fifty five percent, only four percent higher than Ghostbusters and ten higher than The Last Jedi. Among the remaining viewers is my mum, who now doesn't let me watch Doctor Who with her because if I have nothing good to say about it, I can shut up and go away. Coincidentally this is the same mindset as the people making the show, who, like my Mum, would rather be ignorant of all the bad things people have to say, because the problem isn't the product, it's the consumer. The Consumer who doesn't have a choice in this one because the BBC is publicly funded, meaning that in addition to paying for the continued existence of a racist, sexist company staffed almost entirely by cultists, the British public also have to pay for their dogshit programming, which is one hell of a safety net; can't compete in a free market? no problem because you're exempt from it, you're payed for through taxes.

If I'm not already, I'll soon be talking myself in circles, there isn't much else that needs to be said here from me. As of writing this we're four episodes into series eleven's ten episode run, and I've seen two of those episodes so far, and I really hope those two aren't the good ones, because if they are, Jesus Christ, this will be painful. So rather than doing what I used to do with TV reviews and reviewing new episodes as they air, I'll be watching the entire series and reviewing it as a whole, but that does mean that A I can't do that until at least December, and B I actually have to watch the entire series, which is just going to be so much fun, I bought a fresh bottle of Whiskey just for the occasion, I'm so excited. So see you in December, or more likely, January, when I finish this story once and for all, until the inevitable twelfth series where things go even more off the rails, because if the last few years have taught me anything, it's that things can always get worse.

Thunderbirds Path of Destruction review

Here's what you need to know; what was at first a successful day for the crew of the building sized Crablogger 1 turns into a nightmare as they lose control of the platform, sending it on a collision course with disaster, a disaster that only International Rescue can prevent, were it not for their lack of Intel on the machine now ploughing towards oblivion.

This is Thunderbirds 101, a big disaster approaches, and there's a small window of time to stop it, but things just find a way to go wrong all the time. This is also an episode I'd enjoy showing to an SJW, for it's not terribly flattering depiction of its setting and the people that reside in it, me not having a stick up my arse, I can just laugh at how stupid it is, and then enjoy the rest of this episode. Not since Pit of Peril has a machine in Thunderbirds been so cool to look at, and while Thunderbirds has its fair share of building sized vehicles, Crablogger 1 is easily one of the coolest. Unlike Pit of Peril however, there is no underground fire, the Crablogger isn't on its side and unable to move, it just can't be stopped, while the situation isn't as interesting, it still has the potential to be fun, and it does have some fun moments. Most scenes with the Crablogger are pretty cool, as it tears through trees and eventually buildings and walls, and as the platform ploughs through a town, levelling everything it touches, it's pretty enjoyably, in that simple way. This episode also has a brilliant, very tense finale as Scott, Virgil and Brains drain the Crablogger's fuel tank while it hangs precariously over a ledge, despite the lack of music during the sequence, the tension only grows as the fuel tank drains and more and more of the mountain starts to fall away underneath them. This episode has a mostly alright side plot of Penelope and Parker on the hunt for the guy who designed the Crablogger. This would have added to the episode in a more meaningful way were it not for 1 thing, and while I can usually at least understand odd little choices like this, I really don't get this one. They get his details by stunning a security guard and stealing the papers, which is good, they then go on to his house and have an absolutely great scene where Penelope gets the information at gun point, but in between these 2 good scenes is one where they help a random person out who's injured on the side of the road. It's not like it adds anything to the characters, and they don't even give the guy a name, so he's irrelevant, in that you have to look at it objectively, making it a waste of time in a very time sensitive situation, which is stupid. Really though it's a strange choice that's a blemish on an admittedly very enjoyable episode of Thunderbirds, the episode as a whole doesn't really add anything to the characters, which is certainly a step down from Atlantic Inferno, but the interesting situation and the riveting finale makes up for that, plus some basic destruction fun and a mostly well handled espionage subplot. I would recommend Path of Destruction, worth watching for sure.

Thunderbirds Atlantic Inferno review

Here's what you need to know; after some persuading, Penelope is able to get Jeff away from Tracy Island and away from International Rescue, leaving Scott to oversee the operation. On the other side of the world however, the Navy has got the crew of an Atlantic drilling rig into some serious trouble, now an underground fire threatens the rig, and International Rescue have to save the day, and take care of themselves.
This episode of Thunderbirds aired on the 2nd of October 1966, and while I've been out of the game for a while, which is entirely my fault, there's still episodes of Thunderbirds that need to be watched, plus the new series of Thunderbirds Are Go coming soon, plus season 3 of The Strain, plus a few thousand photographs. I think I've earned the title of idiot at last, it's such a privilege, and with all the stuff I've missed, I think the word idiot is an exceptionally applicable word. Enough sorry attempts at apologia though, Atlantic Inferno, let's go.

This episode's introduction doesn't strike me as terribly relevant, with Penelope opening a new construction operation in some mountains, I suppose it gives her and therefore Jeff a reason to be down under, but as far as the whole sea rig disaster thing goes, it seems somewhat irrelevant. Ignoring the issues I have with the very concept of a world anything, let alone a world military power for a minute, the set up of the situation on Seascape is handled fairly well, with the navy doing tests in the area and having a malfunction with one of their new toys. Meanwhile Jeff is off on vacation in Australia, leaving Scott and the rest of International Rescue to look after things themselves, I think this is a very interesting and fun idea for the series to go up against, throwing its characters into a situation that's entirely alien to them, Jeff in particular, who spends a lot of his time in this episode worrying about his sons and the operation, much to Penelope's annoyance. While he's losing sleep down under, it's equally interesting to see Scott losing sleep, not used to the new position and the responsibility that is required. When I think about Scott's character in the new Thunderbirds series on ITV, I think about this episode, where Scott's almost pathological desire to save literally everyone really shows itself in a way it hasn't before. In that sense this is an episode where you can pick sides, as Scott's morals and ambitions for International Rescue clash with Jeff's morals and ambitions for International Rescue, it's an interesting thing to consider, as Seascape goes up in flames. Pun aside; this episode's situation is a very well paced burn, providing a very calm and collected approach to a situation, that doesn't work, leading to a less calm and more frantic approach to the situation. This episode has some sweet tension, and a great sense of urgency certainly helped greatly by the sheer amount of explosions in here, the episode opens with an explosion in fact, which actually gives the irrelevant intro a bit of relevance. Really I can't think of any glaring issue this episode has, the biggest issue I have with it, personally is the whole World Navy thing, which is completely throwaway anyway. All in all, this is an episode of Thunderbirds to remember, this episode has a very fun family element with Jeff on vacation, and the rescue on offer has some fantastic tension and urgency, Atlantic Inferno is a top notch episode of Thunderbirds, and I'd very highly recommend it.

Primeval series 1 episode 2 review

Here's what you need to know; Conner gets into trouble after spilling the beans on the Anomalies to his nerd friends, but a more pressing matter arises when a subway worker is attacked by a creature in the Underground, the team investigates, and finds an entirely new threat that has made itself at home in the abandoned tunnels, one that has a stingy trick up its sleeve.

This episode takes a different approach to the first one, swapping the Forest of Dean for the middle of the city, and swapping the open and expansive woods for the dark, tight tunnels of the Underground, this translates to a very different tone to the first episode, while the first went more for a mood of wonder and mystery, this goes in with the effort to make your skin crawl, and it does it's job for the most part. I'll say the creatures in this episode are far more interesting than the ones from the first episode, as is the place they comes from, which you, surprisingly, never actually see in this episode, there's that element of mystery, a world from which giant spiders and centipedes scuttle is surely one to behold. As for the giant bugs, yet again the effects are a bit of a mixed bag, looking better on their own, but the interactions between them and the characters looking surprisingly bad, at times even laughable, by that I mean a soldier swatting a giant spider off his friend's back, and clearly just swinging at thin air where a bug will eventually be added in post. The creatures are also more interesting looking than the Gorgon from the first episode, with their pincers and their scuttling; the Arthropleura in particular is very menacing and cool. The stories on offer here are, however, weaker than the first episode in my opinion, it's cute how Conner has a crush on Abby, and I understand that it's intended to be awkward, but he comes on a little strong in this episode, in some ways it works, it is clearly meant to be cute and awkward, and it is awkward. The side plot with Abby having a crush on Stephen is less cute, and the situation's burnout conclusion really makes it all feel a bit pointless. equally as pointless feeling is the side plot of Conner getting in trouble after going on an anomaly goose-chase, like the Abby crush, it ultimately leads to very little by the end of the episode, other than Conner finding a new respect for security and Cutter finding a new respect for Conner. The main story that brings these loose threads all together though is good, with the anomaly in the Underground and the new security threat posed by an army of giant venomous bugs. And the mystery of Helen is only deepened here, as she makes another ghostly appearance and delivers another cryptic message. The only thing here that I feel was an improvement here was Lester, who, while getting less screen time, gets to flex his sarcastic and cynical muscles again, and that's always cool. And this episode plays more with the relationship between Cutter and Claudia, planting a predictable, but never-the-less interesting seed.

All in all, while this episode definitively has more shortcomings than its predecessor, it makes up for that with an unsettling new setting and creatures, and an interesting story with said creatures running loose in the subway, and while some side plots amount to very little, that central story and the enigmatic side plot of Helen makes this an episode that's just as interesting to watch, definitely worth watching.

Primeval series 1 episode 1 review

Spoilers ahead for Primeval.
Here's what you need to know; 8 years after his wife vanished without a trace, Scientist Nick Cutter finds himself drawn to the place of her disappearance by reports of a giant monster in the area, but what he and his fellow scientists, hunters and government agents find is something none of them could have imagined, something that challenges their very understanding of reality.
Since Thunderbirds is currently off the table, and I feel I've been lacking in posts, I am starting a new series of reviews. Not considering that I never finished series 9 of Doctor Who and Game of Thrones comes back at the end of the month, I went for yet another show I loved as a child, but one I'm rockier on, a little sci fi drama on ITV called Primeval, so let's dig in.

This episode starts out in a very interesting fashion, providing no context or background as a woman is chased though an ASDA car park by a Gornonopsid, it's admittedly a very intriguing opening for a new series, and as you'd expect, 10 year old me loved it. Looking back, the effects are pretty damn dated, more on that later, but the intrigue and mystery of the series is brilliantly established in this opening. As most TV series' do, this one focuses on several characters, Nick Cutter however is more or less the main character here, and he's cool; being a scientist in a very typical university teacher way, but his back story with his interest in archaeological 'anomalies' and his missing wife are pretty interesting, and at one point in the episode, when he begins to show his true intentions with these 'anomalies,' his character becomes a lot more interesting in my opinion. Stephen Hart is less interesting, serving as the hunter of the group, tracking down the Gorgon and having his little moment of badassary in a chase with him and the Gorgon.  Connor Temple was always one of my favourite characters in the series, and now, as a young adult, I find I relate with him the most in this crew, a slightly weird, moderately sad little nerd who struggles with the ladies; only thing is he's a lot Wittier and funnier than me, another reason to like him though. He very quickly develops a crush on Abby Maitland, a cute zoologist and reptile expert who has her own reasons for being in the area, in addition to being cute, she's very smart with the reptiles, and her little side plot with the mysterious flying lizard, while largely forgotten about as the episode goes on, is a good introduction to her character. Really the characters who leave the smallest impression here are the government agents, Claudia Brown and James Lester, and even then, Lester is cynical and sarcastic, so I like him. Claudia is probably the flattest character here, not really contributing to the episode in a sizable way or having any interesting characteristics. Supporting characters are about as flat too, the soldier that accompanies Cutter towards the end of the episode is just a typical army veteran body guard, and the dumb dino loving kid, who is a recurring character in this episode, gets somewhat annoying as the episode goes on. A very interesting character however, who has no dialogue in the episode and only really appears twice in the whole episode, is Helen, Cutter's wife, her character and the story with her and Cutter is one of the most interesting stories in this episode, as both of them have their agenda, but while his is to find his missing wife, hers is more ambiguous, open to interpretation.

Primeval has a decent line up of characters, and the story on offer here is equally as decent, each character, to an extent, has their own story and goals, as you'd expect, but the overall story of this episode is a fascinating one, and it's one that I will try not to go into too much detail on, but I can't really not go on about the Anomalies. These things are awesome, and can best be described as portals, linking our time with another. Something that really lends to their coolness is their design, which is as mesmerising and divine as it is violent, basically looking like a floating cloud of broken glass, I'm sure that's a very deliberate choice given their nature of being holes in time, their interesting design various properties create a surprisingly grounded interpretation of what is essentially time travel, but the subject of anomalies brings us onto the effects. Let's be blunt, it's a TV show about dinosaurs, so, with the show coming up on 10 years old, how do the effects hold up, not well, the vast majority of the creatures here are CG, and while it has times of looking decent, it has its moments of looking utterly laughable, while it's an admittedly minor distraction to the interesting story and characters, it's definitely something that's noticeable, The Gorgonopsid is a good example of the effects not holding up, while Rex and the other creature still look decent for the most part. I also like the way the creatures are set up, Rex is adorable, and the reveal of the other big creature is done very well, the only one I really don't get is the Gorgonopsid, who is shown literally in the first few seconds of the episode, for the episode to then get all mysterious with this monster we've already seen is a bit weird, personally what I think would have been more interesting is if they were more reserved with the Gorgon, which would have made the very effective scene with Abby seeing the monster far more effective.

But overall, episode one of this series is very good, it sets up it's cool and interesting characters very well, and establishes a fantastic overall story of mystery and monsters with some really cool sciency stuff, the effects are a very mixed bag, and some of it has aged pretty poorly, but it's a minor distraction from this well done introduction to the series, Primeval episode 1 is definitely worth watching.

Thunderbirds Security Hazard review

Here's what you need to know; a routine rescue operation takes an unexpected turn when a kid stows away aboard Thunderbird 2 and ends up on Tracy Island. Realising the massive security risk the kid poses, Jeff plans out his return home while the brothers babysit him and give him a tour of the base.

Let's just get to the grit, this episode is a clip show, a  collection of clips from previous episode of Thunderbirds, specifically Trapped in the Sky, Sun Probe, Day of Disaster and End of the Road, that's 3 episodes I like and 1 I love, so why does this episode really not do it for me. I can only assume that this episode was an effort to stay under the budget after they blew it all on previous episodes, so only about 20 minutes of this episode is new footage while the rest is clips from previous episodes. Admittedly it's a good line up of episodes they're pulling from, but these little clips on their own are nowhere near as good as the episode as a whole, especially Trapped in the Sky, which they left a very important part of out of this clip show, the part that, in my opinion, made the whole thing work. This episode comprising mostly of flashbacks also completely kills the tension, which at this point, how inexcusable that is should be obvious. Maybe it could be salvaged if the episode had an interesting story tying all these clips together, but while it has it's moments of comedy, the story just isn't that good. This is a fairly short review, but there's really not a lot to say with this episode. As a finale it really is a big let down, with a lacklustre story, and the only real meat on its bones being neutralised versions of some of Thunderbirds' best moments. While it pulls from 4 great episodes, it can't hold its own against those episodes, and ends up falling completely flat, I don't think I've said this before, but this is an episode of Thunderbirds that's worth a skip in my opinion.

Thunderbirds The Cham Cham review

Here's what you need to know; International Rescue decides to do some snooping around after a third USAF weapons transport is shot down, again while a certain song plays on the radio. But now they must solve the peculiar riddle of what a chart topping song has to do with a series of attacks on the USAF, turns out there is indeed more going on here than meets the eye.

I'll just come clean and say it, coming off Attack of the Alligators and Martian Invasion, 2 great episodes of Thunderbirds, this is a step down. It does open with a strange sequence in which everyone is seemingly transfixed by a song playing on the radio, oddly it did remind me of my days in Sixth Form, but it was weird there, and it's weird here. Then we are introduced to one of the strangest stories in the series, as a weapons transport is shot down following the broadcast of the song, causing Alan to speculate that the 2 events are linked, something that would have been completely dismissed if it weren't for the fact that It's happened 2 previous times that aren't shown in this episode, convenient isn't it. Which isn't to say this plot isn't interesting, but I feel the big reveal could have come a bit later in the episode than it did, allowing for more tension and mystery, 2 things this episode isn't exactly without, but could have used more of. I do however like the Cham Cham, that being how the song can bring down a plane, it's an interesting idea that is actually less ridiculous than it sounds, what is ridiculous though is how the episode never really explains the story behind this Cham Cham, why are the baddies after the weapons transports, where does the song actually come into it, things like this are just kind of forgotten rather than getting the explanation I reckon they needed in order to be taken more seriously. The episode does however have another great thunderbirds finale, with a runaway cable car, it's ruined by the Parker escape, but the sequence itself is great. All in All this episode is just a bit flat compared to the 2 before it, I like the Cham Cham itself, but it's lacking any background or nuance, it has a great ending until a certain point, but misses some great chances to build a more interesting mystery, were it not for what it comes off the tail of, I'd say this episode is worth watching, and I'd still recommend it, but it's just not what it could be.

Thunderbirds Martian Invasion review

Here's what you need to know; when a film production is sabotaged by the Hood, trapping the stars in a mountain, International Rescue answers the call. Little do they know that they've flown right into a trap, as the Hood waits with a camera to steal their secrets.

 

This episode is a very interesting one, I'll immediately start with one of the most interesting elements, the film production, it's just your average 60's sci fi film, but I have a bit of a soft spot for such old sci fi films, 50's films like War of the worlds, Earth vs the Flying Saucers, and of course the Toho productions of the 50's and 60's, and the Jerry Anderson Supermarionation productions, oh wait. I could go on for a while, point is I like old sci fi, and I like this episode for that. It's not a terribly huge element though, overshadowed by the rescue and the Hood's evil scheme. The rescue is a rather procedural one, having a lot in common with a lot of previous rescues like Pit of Peril and Terror in New York City, with people trapped underground and water flooding in. But like Pit of Peril, this rescue uses really cool machinery, a new rubble clearing machine that in addition to actually looking like it might be useful in real rescues, is just a sweet machine, up there with the recovery vehicles and the Elevator Cars, easily. that sums up the first half of this episode. Where I start loving this episode in the second half, with Scott and Virgil on the Hood's tail in a really fun chase sequence. While not the most eventful chase in the history of Thunderbirds, it's awesome to see the Thunderbirds actively going after the Hood, and the 2 engaging in a game of cat and mouse that takes many foolish and funny forms, including a tunnel misdirection, a foot chase through a forest, and a stupidly funny aerial chase with a stolen plane. I will say that the chase ends a bit abruptly though, and the fate of the McGuffin is left strangely uncertain, as is the fate of the Hood and his mysterious client General X. But all in all this is a very enjoyable episode of Thunderbirds, I like the rescue, the Martian Invasion film scenes, and the really cool chase with the Hood. the ending is a bit sudden, but other than that, I really like this episode, and very highly recommend it.

Thunderbirds Attack of the Alligators review

Here's what you need to know; a secret lab hidden deep within a south American swamp has invented something extraordinary, a chemical that can mutate creatures and force them to grow to enormous sizes. Things quickly go very, very wrong however when a small amount of the chemical contaminates the surrounding swamp, and the resulting mutations begin unleashing hell on the lab. Trapped in their lab, the scientists' only hope is International Rescue.
There are some Thunderbirds episodes I have stronger memories of from my younger days, this is one of them, one that was up there with Trapped in the Sky and Pit of Peril as one of the greatest episodes this series ever offered, now I'm older, let's see how it holds up.

This episode is nothing short of a technical marvel, saying it plain, the use of live alligators for the mutations was extremely well done, and the mood of the swamp and the house is established beautifully, as the storm rolls in and the house goes dark for example, it's spooky stuff, as is the swamp surrounding this creepy, creepy house. back to the Alligators because they really are the star of the show here, the scenes with them destroying boats and wailing on the house are really cool and really well done, even if it's sometimes pretty apparent that they're just babies, when that isn't noticeable, the scaling is very good at showing these mutations' size. which leads me onto story, another strong point in this episode, it starts off in the spooky swamp, where we see the very mad scientist looking lab, and the resident blocker, a boat driver with some nefarious schemes, this is a pretty interesting story with this growth chemical contaminating the swamp, it's all got a very don't tamper with nature vibe to it. When the Thunderbirds show up, you would think they'd be at least a little shocked at seeing a 30 foot alligator, but they must be professional I guess. This is a pretty cool rescue, with Scott getting into bother in the house while Virgil, Alan and Gordon are outside tranqing all the Alligators. which then leads me onto another strong point of this episode, the tension, this episode has some damn intense moments, 90% of which of course involving the alligators, one particular scene with Alan and an alligator stands out, because it was awesome, and very tense. Finally, this episode even throws in a bit of humour at the end, and another alligator, can't have enough of them.

All in all this episode is just amazing, it has everything a good Thunderbirds episode needs in the proper proportions, and it has a really interesting story with shady science in a swamp and mutant alligators, also, did I mention it has mutant alligators, absolutely a must watch.

Thunderbirds Brink of Disaster review

Here's what you need to know; Jeff is reeled into a dangerous situation when Penelope is visited by a shady businessman in search of investors for his new fully automatic monorail system. When something goes wrong with the monorail, Jeff, Brains and Tintin are the only ones who can stop the train and save themselves while Penelope and Parker deal with problems of their own.

This episode starts off in a pretty amusing way, with Penelope being 'late' to an appointment, a sequence as fun to watch as it is funny. this episode also does a good job of setting up it's more nefarious characters, and their crooked and greed driven master plan, both to make a load of money off the automatic monorail by bypassing safety regulations, as well as to get money through even less legal means. When things start going wrong though is when this episode really ramps it up, as the crooked businessman starts panicking under the pressure of this nightmare scenario, and Brains and Tintin get to work trying to stop the train, an endeavour that comes to a head in a very awesome and very intense manner, similar in many ways to Move and You're Dead, an episode I loved. The Thunderbirds actually have very little to do in this episode, but it's not much of an issue when the bulk of this episode's good bits come before they even show up. Jeff and the gang aren't out of the woods by the time the Thunderbirds show up, and the rescue is decent enough, a good chance of failure never hurt anyone. back in jolly old England land though is the very funny story of the Penelope and the jewel thieves, a sub plot that starts off villainous and shifty enough, but by the end is one of the funniest things this show has done in a while, as the thieves find themselves completely outmatched by Penelope and Parker. Without giving anything away, this episode has a perfect ending too, an ending that wraps it's subplots up very well and leaves on a suitably funny note. All in all this is another episode of Thunderbirds that I really like, it's got some great tension, some great humour, and a fun and satisfying story of the pitfalls of corporate greed, definitely worth a watch.

Thunderbirds The Duchess Assignment review

Here's what you need to know; the Duchess of Royston has found herself in some financial trouble after a stop at a sketchy casino, and Penelope and Jeff decide to help her out. the deal goes very pair shaped however when the Duchess is kidnapped in an attempt to steal a priceless painting, and now International Rescue are on the hunt for the missing Duchess.

This episode is an interesting one, 1, the Duchess isn't very bright it seems, and what's more amusing is her voice, which is probably the stupidest thing in this episode. Other than that though this episode starts off very well, with a fun shootout and car chase. Things slow down a lot after that though, with Jeff amusingly trying to sound English at an airshow and visiting an art gallery. the humour in this episode does a good job of keeping things moving, with a really funny few bits with the Giselle company, with the elevator than sounds more like a Dalek than Braman, if that's possible, but things do slow down for sure until the end. Fortunately the Rescue really saves this episode. both in it's explosive opening and it's fiery climax, and the mole, which is always cool, but the new machine used in this episode looks really cool too, and it's always cool to get more Thunderbirds equipment. All in all this is a short review for a fairy straightforward episode of Thunderbirds, nothing stands out at terribly bad, apart from the Duchess, who is a bit dumb and has a laughable voice, but the humour works and the rescue is awesome, it's no Move and you're Dead, but it's still worth a watch.

Thunderbirds Move and You're Dead review

Here's what you need to know; in a desperate bid to keep Alan awake, Jeff forces him to recall the series of events that led to his current predicament, trapped on an isolated bridge with a motion activated bomb at his feet, while Scott and Virgil race against time and sunstroke to save their brother.

I really like the way the story in this episode is structured, told pretty much entirely through flashbacks with brief sections in the present as Alan struggles to stay focused, it's a very interesting way of telling the story, and the breaks in the middle really help to build the tension as Alan becomes more and more delirious. the story being told in the flashbacks has its ups too, with a really cool, if perhaps unrealistically explosive racing sequence, that makes sense of the really weird sequence which is simply close ups of a painting with the sound of cars in the background. I would have actually liked to see more of the race itself, personally, since it was a really cool scene, and again, the transition from the bar to the race, while odd and weird at first, is actually perfect once it makes sense. before I get to what I really loved about this episode, just one thing that I also liked, the music, the guitar was a great choice given the circumstances. and now for what makes this episode in my opinion; tension, it should come as no surprise at this point that when it comes to Thunderbirds, for me, the best moments are the moments where you forget to breath because the tension is so great, and this episode has 2 such moments. the weaker of the 2 sees the baddies of the episode try to kill Alan in a car stacker, I won't go into details, but it was, shall we say, close. by far though when this episode really starts giving you heart problems is towards the end as Virgil and Brains get to rescuing Alan and grandma Tracy, there's some marvelous subtly with Jeff and Tintin which lends hugely to the scene, and the absence of music and increasing loudness of the neutralising beam builds the tension in a way I honestly don't think this show has since Trapped in the Sky. And I love it when character motivations are left ambiguous, this happens with Scott in this episode, or at least I would argue it does, maybe me overthinking. all in all I really liked this episode, dare I even say loved it, it tells a fun story in a very interesting way, puts it's characters in a very precarious predicament, and is the most intense this series has been for a while, that last point alone, for me, makes this episode an absolute must watch.

Thunderbirds Danger At Ocean Deep review

Here's what you need to know; everyone is left baffled when a cargo ship explodes on her maiden voyage. Brains may have just found the answer to the mysterious disaster when contact is lost with Thunderbird 1 and 2 during a mission, but now a second cargo ship is heading straight for disaster, and International Rescue must act fast to save it's doomed crew.

This episode is one of a few in this series I actually didn't remember that well, for some reason, the reason obviously wasn't anything objective though. This episode has a very creepy intro, as the first Ocean Pioneer sails into a very ominous looking fog, and then vanishes, until the explosion becomes visible through the dense fog, most creepy. Something that lightened the tone pretty quick though was Parker, as ever, this time drunk off his face on Champagne during the Pioneer 2's ceremonial launching, it was quite funny. I did like the mystery element of the lost Pioneer and the strange interference Thunderbird 1 and 2 meet on their rescue, which probably didn't get shown simply for budget restrictions, which does suck, as that rescue probably would have been more interesting to watch than the one we got, more on that later. admittedly I don't actually know if the science in this episode is accurate or made up, probably the latter, but the sciency tingly feeling is always cool to have, at least not when then the science in question is very obviously nonsense. When things come to a head in this episode they do get pretty cool. again we have the very creepy ship disappearing into a cloud of fog, not going to lie, if I was on a ship and we were moving towards a cloud of fog, I'd be somewhat spooked, nothing to do with this episode, and I wouldn't exactly be quaking with fear, but I'd be unsettled. this episode presents a very interesting idea, limited to only close range radio because of the interference, the only thing they really have to go on is sight and sound, one of which obviously obscured by the fog, it's not an idea that's played with much, and I would like to see more, but the fog itself was just cool to look at in this episode, and it was, minus that, used to great effect. the rescue itself however was less interesting, again this episode lacked the cool Thunderbirds equipment, and while this should be a very tense situation, the tension wasn't really there, and that really is a shame. what's more of a shame though is while the foggy ship rescue was the one we got, the hospital rescue, where they take pod 3 and come back all muddy, that would probably have been a far more interesting rescue to watch, we'll never know, but I wouldn't just throw that idea out. All in all this episode does a very good job with atmosphere with the fog, and while the sciency elements sounds a bit off, I still liked it, but it kind of deflates at the end with a pretty standard rescue, made worse by the teasing of another rescue that sounds cooler, but that we'll never see. I still like this episode for the reasons stated though, enough that I'd gladly recommend it, worth a watch.

Thunderbirds Cry Wolf review

Here's what you need to know; International Rescue responds to a distress call, only to find a huge misunderstanding, and 2 kids playing a game. But soon International Rescue get in a pickle as a real situation arises, as the Hood has sinister plans for the 2 kids and their dad.

Something that you would probably expect, but that's done pretty well here, is the bait-and-switch, as International Rescue responds to what they think is a distress call, and the episode leads you to believe what they believe, until you learn the truth in a pretty comical way. from there this episode has a bit of an uninteresting period with the 2 kids on Tracy Island and some stuff about photos which really isn't that interesting to be honest. Things pick up though when the Hood shows up, and sets out to get his hands on the McGuffin. it is a bit weird when he tricks the 2 kids into the mine, I don't know why, but it's just a bit weird to me, probably with how odd his questions were, and also the knowledge that he's the Hood. from there this episode gets out of control, with the Hood trying the break into a sealed room to get the photos, while the kids are trapped in a collapsing mine getting ignored by International Rescue. The focus starts to shift away from the kids and towards the Hood, which I don't mind, as the story with the sealed room actually becomes more interesting both than the photos and the trapped kids. When International Rescue to finally show up, the rescue in the mine is pretty good, but it lacked in some much needed tension, especially given the instability of the Mine. and the chase with Scott and the Hood, while brief, is ridiculous, with Scott on his hover scooter, something about those hover scooters just cracks me up, and the Hood's defeat is probably the funniest one so far in the series, very good comedic timing there. All in all this episode has some interesting stories, and some not so interesting stories, mainly what worked was the kids and their International Rescue games, and the Hood trying to get the photos, with one ending somewhat anti climactically, and the other ending hilariously, there is tension to be found in the Hood story, but it's lacking in the kids story, overall it's a good episode that's I'd say is worth a watch, but it's not the height of the bar this series has set for itself.

Thunderbirds Are Go Legacy review

Here's what you need to know; when a series of suspiciously timed disasters lure International Rescue away from Tracy island, Kayo realises that the island has been compromised. With the rest of the Thunderbirds in a vice, Kayo must handle the security breach alone, even if it means revealing her biggest secret.

part of me is really bothered by how much this episode makes me think of the 2004 movie, as just with that movie, the Hood takes over Tracy Island and the Thunderbirds are stranded and powerless, and something I did think of was how did the Hood find the island? if he knew where it was the whole time why not take the place over already, and if he didn't, how did he find it, this is, oddly enough, something the movie does better, where the Hood sticks a tracker on Thunderbird 1. Being honest though I did find a lot of enjoyment in this episode, even considering the similarity to that monstrosity of a movie. For starters I think the Hood being on Tracy Island was actually done in a pretty interesting way here, and with no Vanessa Hudgens and annoying side characters being chased through the jungle, which is very good. I like how the Hood is portrayed here, much more like what I wanted this Hood to be, a man with a plan, someone who's always 3 steps ahead of his opponents, and the interactions between him and Kayo are pretty cool, though I would like to have seen more of him interacting with the Tracy's. what I would also like to see more of, in all honesty, is violence, bear with me, yes, it's a kid's show, but why can't we see MAX kick those 2 thugs' teeth in with kitchen tools, or more importantly, an actual fight between Kayo and the Hood, would it be that bad, unarmed combat, I'd argue no, it almost seems that after Kayo implying the ineffectiveness of Pacifism through various past episodes, the series will still not show violence, it doesn't make sense. that said, watching Thunderbird 1 and 2 ripping the Hood's ship apart was pretty cool, I guess that's as close as we're going to get to seeing them actually straight up stopping the bad guys. Finally, I have mixed feelings on the reveal, yes, they finally find out that Kayo is the Hood's niece, I personally would think that's a great springboard for character drama if it's done right, and the reveal itself is done in a pretty cool way in this episode, but it really looks like they're just going to sweep this under the rug, and I don't think they should, particularly with Scott, this would leave the series on a bit of a cliff hanger for sure I think that would work.

All in all this episode has flaws, and it does have a tendency to bring back bad memories for me, personally. but with that in mind, the focus on characters is something that's cool and something that the show's finally been doing recently, I enjoyed the interactions with the Hood and Kayo and I liked the situation with the Thunderbirds, I just think a more ambiguous ending as to the Tracy's trusting Kayo would have been a good idea. It's still an episode I enjoyed, and it's still worth watching.