Solo: A Star Wars Story movie review

Here's what you need to know; after escaping a life of misery and crime in the Imperial shipyards of Corellia, Halo Solo's dream of becoming the best pilot in the galaxy is fast falling apart, along with his dream of returning to Corellia to save a lost love. His opportunity arises when he runs into a band of experienced space heisters after the score of a life time, but when that score wrongs wrong, Han and his new friends end up with a lot of debt to pay, a debt that they intend to pay the only way they know how, illegally.
So, Solo, that Star Wars film that no one saw; it would appear that Lucasfilm's tomfoolery with its audience has paid off, but not for them, because it bombed, and has no doubt cost Disney a lot of money, and probably also a few people their jobs due to their brilliant idea to fire the directors during production, at least that's how the story goes. But Solo is a failure, sadly that much is kind of undeniable at this point, but does it deserve to be one, that's the more delicious question.

Solo opens with something that's a bit like a crawl, whereas Rogue One had no crawl, this one takes the rout of static prologue text, and doesn't really say anything that the audience isn't shown literally two minutes later, making it a pointless and bewildering inclusion, but never mind that, I guess. Our introduction to Han is actually pretty solid in the film, as he tries to hustle his way off of Corellia with a hot girl in tow, before joining the Imperial Academy. Obviously a major point of contention for pretty much everyone watching the film is the portrayal of Han Solo, a pre-trilogy Han portrayed by Alden Erenreich, a guy I've never seen before, and I'm guessing that's the same for a lot of other people too, but maybe that was Lucasfilm's plan all along, since someone no one's heard of might be an easier pill to swallow, compared to if they got someone like Chris Pratt, who's obviously already very well known for playing Star Lord in Guardians of the Galaxy. It's something a lot of people will disagree on, but while I don't think Erenreich is much of a show stealer, and there's probably a couple of actors who could play the part as well or better, I thought he was fine; he got the job done, and while Erenreich is blatantly trying to imitate Harrison Ford's portrayal as best he can, and not really adding anything of his own, the bits where he's being Han Solo, hustling and being snarky, are pretty enjoyable to watch. Where the film actually does nail it however is Chewbacca, which, of all the portrayals of the character I've seen, this one's probably the best, as the film actually gives him his moments, and there are a few sequences where him and Han have conversations that are just gold, their friendship and how it develops is really well done in my opinion, and Chewbacca's vulnerable moments are surprisingly good, of the film's supporting line-up, he's easily the brightest part. The rest of the film's supporting line-up is pretty good also, Beckett gets the job done as the back-stabbing fiend who takes Han and Chewbacca under his wing, Qi'ra also gets the job done as the back-stabbing fiend wrestling with the internal conflict between her love for Han and her own personal interests, and Dryden Vos is a surprisingly enjoyable villain, being the very polite and well-mannered, yet murderous and unstable boss of one of the galaxy's largest criminal syndicates. Coming in at a close second behind Chewbacca however is Lando, played by Donald Glover, who comes close-ish to reaching Billy Dee's coolness in his portrayal, while cranking the narcissism up just a tad by retelling and recording his exploits and having a borderline ridiculous collection of capes. The charm is there to an extent, but the choice Disney made to make the character pansexual, similar to the decision they made last year to make LeFou gay, adds remarkably little to the film itself, while getting all the progressive jounros and bloggers giving them virtue points for their diversity and representation, while naturally befuddling and annoying long-time fans who just don't see the point. To say that his pansexuality is a problem would technically make me a hypocrite however, given how much I like Star Lord in the Marvel films, even though he's only ever been shown to bone sexy aliens, the issue here that isn't there with Star Lord is what he's boning, which is where we get to L3-37, and where this film really falls apart for me.

Me and identity politics don't get along, I also don't get along with shoehorning, and sadly, shoehorning and identity politics do get along, really, really well. This became an issue in The Last Jedi with its forced conflicts and annoying female characters, a point that I'm not allowed to make, because according to good boy J.J. Abrams, that means I'm afraid of strong women. But even Admiral Purple Hair doesn't compare to L3-37, who is easily the second worst thing in the entire film and is quite possibly the most irritating character Star Wars has ever produced. Her entire reason to be there is that she's a good navigator, and to be a metaphor that fights for droid rights in a galaxy where her kind are oppressed and enslaved. The absolutely brilliant subtlety by the uber progressive heads of Lucasfilm aside, she's a complete ideologue; constantly and desperately steering conversation in the direction of her agenda, being arrogant and unpleasant to people for no good reason, and derailing her friends' plans for the sake of her crusade against oppression, because nothing says "a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away..." like modern day identity politics, which isn't to say that Star Wars shouldn't tackle the concept of Droid rights, just that having an annoying, snotty, aggressive Social Justice Warrior to tackle it is a terrible way to do it, and will only alienate your audience from whatever fight L3 is supposed to represent. And the worst part, yes, it gets worse, is that L3 isn't even peak social justice, that prestigious honour goes to Enfys Nest, where the film pulls a twist that completely derails itself and manages to successfully break the glass ceiling and the audience's suspension of disbelief at the same time. Social Justice in film can work if it's handled well, if it's done with subtlety and weaved into a story that's compelling, but when it's like this, when it's forced in for the sake of it, and when it doesn't fit with the rest of the film or story or setting in any meaningful way, it's just annoying and awkward, and it hurts the film.

Anyway, back to the good things, something that I can't deny about the film is that it has entertaining sequences. The opening chase through the shipyards is serviceable, and the train heist is actually really fun, made even better with Rio, the character who should have lived through the whole film rather than being replaced by L3, and the final showdown with Vos is alright, but nothing special. But the highlight of the film is easily the Maelstrom; the atmosphere crafted around the Maelstrom is ominous and Lovecraftian, and the chase through the Maelstrom and escape from the Maw is the most entertaining sequence of the film without a shadow of a doubt, with the tried and true formula of Tie fighters crashing into things and the Millennium Falcon narrowly escaping a giant monster. Does it sound like The Empire Strikes Back, that's because it kind of is, just with fog and a run in with death by spaghettification, but damn is it entertaining, because how can you not like Han barrel rolling the Falcon and swatting a Tie fighter like a fly into a nearby asteroid, that shit's cool no matter how you spin it (pun intended), and their escape from the Maw was also excellent, heightened significantly by another strength the film has, its soundtrack. And as should really be expected for a twenty first century blockbuster, the film's visual effects are top notch, the CG is absolutely fantastic, and the practical stuff, because thankfully Star Wars still does that kind of thing, are ace. The film's very troubled production makes the quality of the finished product quite impressive, and the film is pretty well directed too, though not quite as stylish as J.J. Abrams or as rich as Gareth Edwards or Rian Johnson. Word is that about thirty percent of the film is Lord and Miller, with the rest being reshot by Ron Howard, who is credited as director, and I suppose we'll never know how just how much or what of the film was lord and Miller and what was Ron Howard, but what's good about that is that the film's presentation is pretty consistent, as it's pacing, at least until the finale with Enfys Nest and Vos, the film moves along at a solid pace until that point though, so it doesn't really get boring until the end. One issue that I thought didn't make sense in my first viewing was the lighting; when I first saw it, I thought there was something up with the projector, because the film was dark, as in literally, visually dark, but on second viewing, I concluded that no, the film is just poorly lit. That doesn't ruin the film for me personally, because you can still see what's going on on screen, it's just harder than it should be, and that being an issue in a film like this doesn't really make any sense, but of all the issues I have this this film, that one is, in all fairness, a nitpick.

I've got a really good feeling about this
Solo: A Star Wars Story is alright; there are a lot of good things about it, it's action is a lot of fun, it's heists are fun, and the film keeps a good pace for the most part, before dropping the ball at the end. The film's characters are a very mixed bag, with Chewbacca and Han being good, which is where it really counts I guess, and the supporting line-up is serviceable enough, with Lando taking the spotlight among their ranks. But then the film completely and horrifically drops the ball with the train wreck droid who exists solely as an annoying, ham-fisted, awkward and downright intolerable mouth piece for social justice, and injects that corrosive narrative a few times in the film, in a way that makes the film a chore to watch at times. But at least there's the fact that when it's good, it's pretty damn good, and for the most part, I do have fun with the film, I'd actually recommend it in fact, it's worth a watch.