Moar Blu Rays: January & February 2018

I didn't do a Blu Ray update last month, I know, hell of a start for a series of monthly updates, but unlike usual, the reason wasn't laziness, but instead simply that I bought all of two Blu Rays in the month of January, and didn't feel that an update was really worth doing for such a small number. This month however, much to the agony of my bank account, I mended that error with a series of decent Blu Ray hauls, and before you is the spoils of those hauls, plus January's loot to pad out the number a bit. From the month of January comes IT, a film that I, obviously, have a massive amount of love for, and a film that I got in trouble for when I showed it to my 5 year old nephew, who, unsurprisingly, is now absolutely terrified of Pennywise, but what's the point in being an uncle if you can't be a bad influence. We also have Kingsman: The Golden Circle, the perfectly serviceable sequel to the film that made me fall in love again after my breakup. What's sad is that's all true, I was in a bad place, I saw The Secret Service, and now movies are my life, though serviceable might be a misleading word, because The Golden Circle's actually a lot of fun. Now for February, from where the real meat comes; the three 5 for £30's are The Goonies, Cloverfield and Get Out, it's three instead of five simply because I was pressed for time. Cloverfield's now a franchise, so I guess I should watch the first one at some point, and The Goonies is a film that I, probably like many people, watched countless times in my younger years, and Get Out's good, apparently, but I had a Black Panther screening to make, so Get Out was just so I could still get the 3 for £20 deal on 5 for £30's and still be in time, yep, literally the reason. Going less impulsive and more substantive, on the same day I also snagged the Indiana Jones collection, both because Temple of Doom was a film that scared me as a kid, and because I know there's an Indiana Jones binge at some point in my future. Lego Ninjago, because I never reviewed it when it was out in cinemas, and to round out my Lego Movies, and on the topic of rounding out; The Mummy Returns, I now have the Boris Karloff Mummy, the Tom Cruise Mummy (yes, I actually do, I also have Paul Feig's Ghostbusters) and now, the complete trilogy of Brendan Fraser Mummy's. Surprisingly, I've been chasing The Mummy Returns since August, when I picked up Tomb of the Dragon Emperor in Tenby, and in case you haven't already noticed, there's some real garbage in my Blu Ray collection.

As evidenced by our next turd- just kidding, Blade Runner 2049 is absurdly good; it's a film I think more highly of the older it gets, so god help me in ten years when I love it more than my wife and kid that I'll never have. If I ever did have a kid though, they'd inevitably be raised on films like Jumanji, a Blu Ray I already had, but bought again when I saw that sexy steelbook, seriously, look at it, it's fucking sexy, I can hear the drums just from looking at it. They will not, however, be raised on Hellraiser, a Blu Ray three pack I now have thanks to the YouTube channel Midnight's Edge and their Hellraiser series with Gary Tunnicliffe, I've recommended them before, back when the Ghostbusters controversy was in full swing, but if you don't know who they are, they're worth checking out, so do that. Ghost in the Shell: The New Movie, I quite enjoyed the original anime, and I'm even one of those imperialistic racism apologist freaks who liked the live action adaptation, so when I saw my chance to grab The New Movie, a film I know literally nothing about other than that it exists and that it has a comically literal title, I took it. Thankfully liking Halo doesn't make me an evil racist, I think, so I also snagged the video collection, which will hopefully be more functional than the MCC. Truth be told, I already had Nightfall, Forward Unto Dawn and Fall of Reach on Blu Ray, because Halo is the tits, but it was dirt cheap, and I didn't have Halo: Legends on Blu Ray, so that justifies making three more duplicates, right? And that just leaves Thor: Ragnarok, I'm still on my mission to own the entire MCU movie collection on Blu Ray, so Thor: Ragnarok was an inevitability, that and I had a lot of fun watching it in cinemas, now I only have two goals; get The Incredible Hulk, and get binging before Infinity War, oh goodie. And so concludes the roundup of my latest snags, because like I said last time, I'm an addict, and movies are my drug, which I suppose is a good thing, I suppose.

Black Panther movie review (plus Meteroette: Black Panther: A Powerful Political Statement?)

Here's what you need to know; the sudden death of the King has thrust T'Challa into assuming his place as ruler of Wakanda, a vast city of wealth and technology hidden away in the Jungles of Africa. But while T'Challa adjusts to his new responsibilities, a challenger from his family's past returns from the shadows with ambitions of seizing the throne for himself, and a plan that will plunge the world into anarchy and darkness.
First of all, I must inform you; dear reader, that as a result of the politicisation of this film, I will be looking at this film through a more political lens than usual, though don't worry about this review being nothing but politics, I'll do my best to keep the majority of it politics free. The politicisation of this film has almost made me anxious to watch it, what with the usual ideologue journos and Twatters treating it like it's the second coming of Jesus Christ, the most important and impactful film to ever be released, and castigating all who dare be critical of it with the harshest terms. I went into this film with the same mindset that I went into Wonder Woman with last year, cautiously optimistic, but more than a little concerned that it would be, to put it bluntly, SJW garbage, but also like Wonder Woman, and much to my relief, it's not. Let's go.

Black Panther opens, in the only way I think it could have, with a prologue sequence providing a brief rundown on the history of Wakanda, I'm not sure if the film needed something like this, as all that is shown in this sequence is either established or implied later in the film, but I guess when you're establishing and entire country's history and culture for the first time, an easy explainer would prove useful. We then get a small scene with King T'Chaka that becomes relevant later in the film. Following a familiar template from the get go, Black Panther then gives us a little Black Pantherness, with him taking down goons in the jungle, a scene that was entertaining enough, but that I personally would have liked to have a bit less dumb action and more suspense, with Black Panther taking out the goons like he was the Predator or something. What's not actually that strange, considering my thoughts on films like Wonder Woman and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, is that while this is a superhero film, and is supposed therefore to be action packed and fun, what really stood out to me in Black Panther was its story and characters, which is good since that one bad review that everyone went berserk over is right, this film hasn't got much action. What it has, first of all, is T'challa, who starts out as kind of boring in the film's rocky first act, this gradually changes over the course of the film however, as he becomes more disillusioned with Wakanda's isolationist attitude and with the actions of previous Kings, including T'Chaka. Those around him also suffer in the film's first act, with his girlfriend being similarly uncompelling, and his sister being downright annoying in some bits. There's one scene with her that was particularly cringe inducing, where she yells "What are those?" referring to T'challa's footwear, a meme reference that still wouldn't be funny even if it wasn't a couple of years out of date. She gets more tolerable as the stakes rise throughout the film though, and ends up rocking some badass blaster gauntlets in the film's finale. Then there's Michonne from The Walking Dead, who, like pretty much everyone in this film, starts out somewhat uncompelling, but later when the film throws a curveball, a new dynamic gets played with her character that I actually adored. Then there's Killmonger, who is a solid villain, and is so for some solid reasons. For starters; he has layers; like all villains he wants to do evil things, but like the best villains, there is a reason for his plan or his attitude. The film shows Killmonger as a bad guy, but it wisely alludes to what turned him into a bad guy, and even more wisely does it in a way that isn't obnoxiously preachy, which it easily could have been because of reasons I'll get to later.

Black Panther, like I said earlier, is defined as much by its characters and story as by its action, which is kind of funny, given how much Lion King I saw in this film. Maybe it's just me, but there are numerous points in this film where it just really reminded me of Disney's The Lion King, there's even a scene where T'Challa goes to some kind of spiritual underworld to see T'Chaka, and it is straight up Lion King, T'Challa has some kind of familial tie to the villain, and must defeat said villain and save his kingdom from destruction. Also like The Lion King, the villain's familial connection to T'Challa makes him a contender for the throne of the Pride La- I mean Wakanda. There isn't really a point to this point however, since The Lion King is easily one of the best films ever made, a film that's a little similar to it isn't really much of a bother. The Tragic story of this film really did it for me however; there are some powerful moments in this film, and there's actually a pretty even split of hero and villain with those powerful moments, culminating in KillMonger's last scene, which is just awesome, and I really wish I could explain why without spoiling, but again, no getting ahead of myself, and I might as well set the stage for later, this film isn't very progressive, but I'll explain later, my point here is that the message this film carries is way too nuanced to be a purely progressive, it's actually a solid message that is handled in a very subtle way, and I love it. My biggest issue with the film in terms of story was that the first act was a bit rocky; there's a lot of pieces that get put on the board at the start, and while it makes it a bit tough to get into at first, as the pieces start to come together, it becomes a very satisfying whole, one that makes me forgive many of its flaws. T'Challa and his friends are boring at first, one very natural feeling character ark later and that problem's solved, they're hunting a one armed arms dealer in Korea, and make very explicit mention of him needing to face justice; that plot point has consequences, and alters the course of the story in surprisingly meaningful ways. And in a complete 180 degree turn from the last Marvel film I reviewed, when this film had the opportunity to inflict some grossly unjust violence, it actually does it, though despite being in frame and happening in the nicely lit middle of the day, apparently Wakandans don't bleed when they get their throats cut, come on, Disney, at least have a bit of blood, or have it happen off screen so it doesn't look like a school play.

Black Panther isn't perfect however, I do have a few issues, and not just with the comedy and the rocky first act, but also with the visuals and the effects. A lot of this film is very visually impressive, Wakanda is an amazing looking city, with a very well realised mix of technology and culture, and fully CG shots of the city look amazing, but the CG is where the film starts to get real faults. There's a lot of green screen in this film, and probably not the best green screen Marvel could manage, rather it's just okay green screen, but it looks a bit off. And what's really strange is there are numerous fully CG shots of the Black Panther, and it doesn't look good, it looks like it was rendered in a video game engine. I love the 1999 Mummy, I can get past bad CG, but when it's 2018 and the film is taking itself seriously and wants you to be invested in its character and action, that's made a bit harder by said action just looking fake. Another problem I have with the film's presentation is the action, in some scenes it's okay, and in others, it's not so okay. For once my issue isn't cinematography, because the fight scenes themselves look alright, and are decently entertaining, at least when you can see what's going on. The film's obligatory big end battle is probably the best of the bunch, with the T'Challa loyalists engaging in all out war against Killmonger, and Martin Freeman's Ross tearing shit up in the skies above, it's dumb and it's fun. But here's the problem, and why I think the jungle fight should have been a suspenseful scene rather than action, when T'Challa in his black Black Panther suit is taking out goons in a dense jungle in the dark, can you deduce a problem. The suit being able to absorb and redistribute kinetic energy is a cool idea, but ultimately is most prominently used in the film to distinguish T'Challa and Killmonger from one another when they're both in black Black Panther suits and they're fighting one on one in a mine, where it's dark. I'll be honest, while the fight itself has a purpose, and I like the character battle that's going down between the two, the actual fight isn't all that enjoyable to watch, and there's a really dumb plot contrivance that's thrown in for god knows what reason. There is one thing I did like about the presentation however, besides the great visual design, and that's the soundtrack; in keeping with the film's weird blend of technology and culture, the soundtrack is very unique, and while I can't see myself listening to it like do with Hans Zimmer's scores, it really works with the film, and I dug it.

*it's all Spoilers and Politics for the rest of the review, you've been warned

Right, I can't hold off any longer, it is time. If you don't want to read my sperging about identity politics, feel free to skip to the end of the review, I'd also advise you not read this if you want to avoid spoilers, because I'm going into some spoilers, and am about to break down how this film is a complete slap in the face to everything that the progressive journos and Twatters praise it for embracing, this film is not Progressive. Over the past few months, it's become more and more clear that the word 'diversity' doesn't mean what it actually means; in progressive circles where they have a problem with white people and where that sort of attitude is not racist, diversity doesn't mean racial diversity, it means there's no white people, fundamentally, the progressive definition of the word is an anti-white sentiment, and by that progressive definition, Black Panther is certainly diverse, with the film's cast being effectively mono-racial. This however kind of makes sense given that it's a film set in Africa, where the majority of the population is black, but my issue is obviously that this film is being praised for its diversity, which, if you read between the lines, means they're praising the fact that it's majority black and there's barely any white people. This is where the hype comes in, because this film has been turned into a cultural event by the progressive media; a film that will literally change the world with its very existence, and the ultimate political and social statement of black power in a white supremacist world. If you think I sound insane, good, it means you still have common sense, because in reality this is a superhero film, it taking place in Africa certainly makes it unique, but strip back the politics that have been thrust upon it and you essentially have a live action Lion King where Simba has superpowers and Scar is his cousin instead of uncle. Naturally this means however that not liking this film while being white is a big no no, the cultural significance that this film doesn't have means that if you don't love it, you're a racist. It's weird; I'm getting flashbacks to Ghostbusters. But Just like Ghostbusters, and Wonder Woman for that matter, if you hate it, or even if you just think it's okay, you're not a bad person, turning films into litmus tests for racism and sexism is a backwards mentality that I can't stand, because like all progressive ideas, it strips away any meaning or nuance, taking away the film's merits, or lack thereof in the case of Ghostbusters, and makes race or gender a film's defining characteristic, when a film shouldn't be judged on those grounds, but instead on its merits or lack thereof. And judging white people based on their thoughts on films is equally stupid, though far more corrosive, as you strip away their individual thoughts on the film, and impose upon them a reason that they don't like it, an inherently uncharitable and malicious reason, one informed at least partially by your own prejudice, in short, it's racist.

But here's where it gets really juicy, and where I go full into spoilers, because while this would appear to be a social Justice Ideologue's wet dream, this film might end up pissing off SJW's instead. Here's the kicker; T'Challa, the first black superhero ever (ignoring all the ones that came before him) is a Nationalist. In the film, Wakanda is a country that likes to keep to itself, literally hiding away from the rest of the world and refusing to share any of its resources, wealth or technology, and the isolationist mentality doesn't stop there, they refuse to allow any non-natives through their borders, that's right, they guard their borders and don't want refugees, which they fear will change Wakanda's culture. Swap out T'Challa for Donald Trump and I'd bet a lot of the people currently screaming and creaming about this film would be slamming it for being Fascist propaganda. Of course though, this film isn't propaganda, its political ideas aren't simple and one sided, but instead impressively nuanced and balanced, as T'Challa is sympathetic to the suffering around the world, but also recognises the importance of his own heritage, this is in fact a central part of his character ark, which is where Killmonger comes in. Killmonger's plan in this film is essentially to start a race war, having grown up alone after someone with power killed his dad, in poverty and surrounded by gang violence, he's been left, unsurprisingly, quite unstable, and has a plan to end the suffering by... giving all the black people in the world Wakandan guns and sending them to war with "their oppressors," and you don't have to be a genius see what that means, that's literally his plan. In this supposedly progressive film, it is in fact the villain who seeks to achieve Social Justice, while the hero is a nationalistic monarch trying to stop the 'liberation' of 'the oppressed', oh that must sting something fierce for those poor Twatters. What's great, in addition to this film giving modern identity politics the middle finger, is how Killmonger's plan influences the hero's ark. Again Black Panther goes for nuance here, like a wound that's left untreated will start to fester, Wakanda not addressing suffering that it has the power to address will leave those people suffering susceptible to being radicalised and adopting extreme views as their own solution to the problem. This is the basis of T'Challa's ark, as he acknowledges that Killmonger is a monster of his father's making, which not only makes for some solid drama, but also puts way more thought into these political ideas than I reckon the Progressive journos and Twatters are prepared for, I fucking love it.

*No more Spoilers and Politics now, you're in the clear
I really like Black Panther, but like all films that I really like but not quite love, there are problems; the film's visual effects, in my opinion, could have been better, and aren't at the standard that Marvel has already set for themselves in previous films, and not all of the action is very enjoyable to watch, simply for the stupid reason that it's not very easy to see what's going on. But the film's visual and sound design is pretty much perfect, I like the music, and I found the world of Wakanda engaging and gorgeous. But easily Black Panther's greatest strength is its characters and story, T'Challa's story is natural and engaging, and while his sister annoyed me a few times, I found myself warming to most of the film's supporting cast. But the film really becomes great when Killmonger shows up; his past is tragic and sympathetic, his plan is sinister and evil, and the drama with him and T'Challa is gripping. But something I really adore is this film's approach to it's social and political ideas, which it handles in a beautifully subtle and mature manner, and its rejection of Social Justice is a far more powerful message than what the Progressive left want this film to stand for. Black Panther is a film I'd gladly watch again, and it's definitely worth watching.

Something really stupid

 One of two things has happened, one; i'm too stupid to read a clock, two; the circumstanses of the last week or so are starting to have an effect, for personal reasons I've been sleeping even worse than usual. Whatever the case, i write to you from the canteen where i work, because i walked to work and somehow didn't realise that i am an hour early. Unlike my usual, slightly more professional posts, this one's getting typed up on my phone, a task made difficult by my fat fingers, and no doubt this post will be riddled with spelling and grammer errors because of my stupid circumstances. I've contemplated many things over the last few days; Moar Blu rays isn't worth doing because I only got 2 new Blu rays in January, I edited a photo of the super moon to make it orange because i was on the wrong side of the world to watch the eclipse, but there's not a lot of substance there either, and I suddenly want an Amazon Fire stick because i learned that I can watch Transformers: Animated on it. All pointless drivel, as are most of my daily thoughts, that and self hatred and bitternes, but put me in the position where i have literally nothing to do for an hour and surround me with my twatty supervisors, and suddenly there's substance to be found in my brain farts. So that's the pictures, a super moon we had a few nights ago, one that i mutilated on BeFunky for the hell of it. And it's not exactly like anyone cares, but maybe one day my life will improve to the point that I can actually read a clock, and maybe, now I've learned that I have the means to do so, I will get to watch my favourite cartoon once more, and review the shit out of it, only time will tell, ironically, I'm so bored, now if you'll excuse me, i have to go and fail at flirting, oh yeah, and do my job, shit.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen movie review

Here's what you need to know; two years after the destruction of the Allspark, the Autobots have fully adjusted to life on Earth, now co-operating with the US Government to hunt down and exterminate the remaining Decepticons, meanwhile Sam plans to leave his life of planet saving behind and get back to a normal life, starting with a college education. Their fates will once again be entwined however as the Decepticons return, along with an ancient Cybertronian evil which seeks revenge on the last of the Primes and the eradication of the human race.
It's 2009, Transformers came out 2 years ago and was a major financial success, sucking up a massive $700 million internationally, so of course there's a sequel coming out to capitalise on Paramount's new billion-dollar franchise. But more important than all of that, there was a young lad who was ecstatic that after the badassness that was Transformers, they were actually making another one, that lad was me, I went to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in cinemas in 2009, and surprisingly, given how many times I watched the first one back then, I only saw this one once, that one time that I saw it in cinemas, so once again I was in the mood to be honest about this film, especially since this is pretty much unanimously considered to be the worst in the series, if not one of the worst films ever made, so let's get cracking.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen starts off in a way that immediately has me conflicted; as Optimus Prime once again pontificates over a prologue that establishes that humans and Cybertronians have already encountered one another. This is just the start of this series throwing continuity to the wind, given that in the prologue of the first film Optimus called Earth an "unknown planet," but retconing like that is something I can forgive if the film then A, doesn't retcon itself to death and B, gives us something good, so does it, well, sort of yes, but mostly no. Like the first film, we are then treated to an action sequence, one that introduces the human-Autobot alliance, as well as Mudflap and Skids, but that comes later. Admittedly, there is fun to be had in this opening scene, with a really, really big Decepticon causing chaos in Shanghai, there's also a little car chase that's alright on the side. Then, just like the first one, the film grinds to a halt as we are reintroduced to Sam. This is where the film really starts to suffer, as we once again have, in this even longer film, tones of screen time dedicated to Sam, his girlfriend, who thankfully is more tolerable this time, and his parents, oh god his parents. Let's just get the good out of the way shall we, I like that the parents are now aware that Sam's car is a Transformer, that's actually some good streamlining there, and later in the film, when the Decepticons kidnap them to use against Sam, that's an interesting idea, one that other Transformers stories over the years have also used, and used well. The problem with the parents really sums up a great deal, in that every single problem that the first film had has been brought back, and some of them, like the parents, have been made worse; they are even more intolerable in this film, and there's even more screen time with them, they're still annoying and awkward, but just more. John Turturro's back, and he is off the chain this time, making his performance in the first film look reserved. New additions include Sam's college roommate, who should never have been in the film, since he's completely useless and teeth grindingly annoying, maybe even the most annoying part of the film, but that might be a stretch. The only thing that could be considered a saving grace in the film is Josh Duhamel and company, who now form NEST, the human-Autobot alliance, but that's because it's the only subplot in the film that isn't morosely obnoxious and nonsensical, in fact it's kind of neat.

In my review of the first film I commented that the film seemed to think that it was a comedy, and that most of the humour was weak and awkward, but compered to Revenge of the Fallen, the first film is comedic genius. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen cranks the comedy up to eleven, and while it was semi successful before, this time it's pretty much a train wreck. What with the parents getting more screen time, and with his mum being an emotional wreck to gets high in one scene, the downright predatory lecturer, the annoying roommate who literally doesn't shut up, John Turturro, who's essentially playing a cartoon version of his character from the first film, gay dog sex, yes, gay dog sex, a robot humping Megan Fox's leg, and Devastator having testicles, I could go on. None of that even considers the comedy derived from the film's obnoxious stereotypes; Mudflap and Skids get a lot of racism accusations for this, but that's just the tip. This film deploys stereotypes of black people in Mudflap and Skids, old people in Jetfire, college students in Sam's roommate, parents in the parents, the working class in John Turturro's post Sector Seven career, the government in, well, the government, it's a shitshow, and none of it is funny, it's actually kind of painful. what's worse is that most of these comedic elements have no bearing on plot progression, but sadly this film doesn't have a serviceable sci fi thriller plot like the first one to save it, this film's plot is a total failure. It starts out intriguing enough, with tension between the Autobots and the government, Megatron coming back from the dead, and Sam starting to go crazy and seeing Cybertronian symbols in his head. But then the film loses the plot when it starts going on about astronomy, Egyptian history and destiny, culminating in the Fallen having Force and teleport powers for some reason and Sam having a death vision, it's ridiculous, and it makes no sense, as in literally no sense, but I'll get to the plot holes later. And that's not even considering that this film treats Transformers lore like toilet paper.

First up, the good, and an area where I think that Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen made improvements over its predecessor. The film's representation of the Transformers, for the most part, is better here than in the first; Megatron does things and says things, and he does them with the cunning and villainy that was lacking in the first film, save for one detail, I like this film's version of Megatron more. The one detail kind of ruins it though, as the film gives Megatron a master; that master is the Fallen, a weak as hell villain who does literally nothing until the film's finale, and rectons the history of the Transformers in a way that I cannot stand. Plus, him being Megatron's master is just bad, in concept and in execution; Megatron is the leader of the Decepticons, he even says it himself, "Even in death, there is no command but mine." A great line for sure, but one that comes not even 10 seconds before Megatron kneeling in subservience to the Fallen, what sense does that make. Something the film did nail, and I do genuinely like, is the relationship between Megatron and Starscream; they did Starscream far better in this film, with a portrayal that is slimy, cowardly and sadistic, and Megatron's distrust and hatred of Starscream is also well done. Unfortunately however that's it for Decepticons with personality, it's an improvement for sure, but of the 20+ Decepticons in this film, I only cared to remember the names of 5, and some of them aren't given names, which is stupid, evidently Michael Bay went for quantity in the sequel, and it doesn't work. Then there's the Autobots; again, you have Bumblebee, Optimus Prime and Ironhide, then a bunch of others who do little, say little, and have little personality. Ironhide's probably the most harmless of all of them, being the same ill-tempered arm-cannon wielding badass as before, Bumblebee is also pretty much the same, and that's not a problem, then we get to Optimus, and like Megatron, we start to have problems. This portrayal is as flawed as the first, just in different ways; while the unbefitting attempts at comedy like "sorry, my bad" are now gone, they've been replaced with equally unbefitting lines like "give me your face," one that the tfwifi had a field day with. They seemed to 'fix' Prime in this film by making him uncharacteristically violent, and like before, there are slithers of wisdom of compassion in there, and he has some really good lines like "You'll never stop at one," in response to Megatron's "Is the future of our race not worth a single human life," but then Optimus Prime disfigures and mutilates the Fallen before ripping out his Spark and crushing it, and proclaiming victory over his mangled corpse, which makes him no better than the Decepticons, and makes this paragon of wisdom and compassion into a blood thirsty warlord, they really couldn't have missed the mark any more.

My biggest problem however, ahead of their perversion of Optimus and their demoting of Megatron is what they did to the Matrix of Leadership. As I said, this film treats Transformers lore like toilet paper, and the stupidest aspect of this is them taking the Matrix of Leadership, perhaps the most important relic in Transformers, and turning it into a McGuffin. Over the years the Matrix has been and meant many things; but what has never changed is its significance, it has always meant something to wield the Matrix, it's never simply been a spiky key. Probably what annoys me the most about this is that it's just another Allspark; in the first film the good guys were looking for it, they found it, and then had to keep it out of the hands of the bad guys who want to use it for evil, the Matrix in this film is exactly the same, good guys look for it, find it, keep it out of hands of bad guys, it's lazy writing, and the name Matrix was no doubt chosen precisely because of its significance, it's a relic that Transformers fans will recognise, which is ironic given how unrecognisable it is as a spiky key. There is one scene where they try, where someone says that the Matrix is earned instead of found, but as I'll get into later, this film's about as consistent as Social Justice, and it renders the Matrix completely wasted, swapping it out with, for example something comparable to an Omega key, would make more sense, have the same impact on the plot, and not completely waste the Matrix of Leadership. In fact, how's this for an idea, after the destruction of the Allspark, Megatron is revived and still wants to build an army, he goes looking for a key that will turn on a sun harvester that his Decepticon minions found off world in his absence, killing earth but giving him the energon he needs to build his army, with the added motivation of killing humanity after a human (Sam) killed him in the first film, then you'd have a revenge plot that makes sense, as well as something resembling motivation for the villain, which the Fallen doesn't have, and you'd cut out all the Egypt and astronomy and ancient Transformers nonsense that retcons the shit out of the first film. Right there I think I also put more thought into a plot than the writers of this film did. On a slightly less know-it-all note, the aforementioned quantity of Transformers is also a problem, though that's simply a matter of large ensembles and good character development being effectively mutually exclusive, a problem compounded by this film's character development being utter shite, I don't even remember catching most of their names in this film, more doesn't inherently mean better, though the people who made this film clearly disagree.

Now for something that would be good if the film knew how to not overdo things, the action. There's one good action sequence in this film; the fight in the forest with Optimus Prime, Megatron, Starscream and Blacko- I mean Grindor. Unlike the film's finale, this fight is not completely over the top and ridiculous, being a very small fight in comparison, and, it being 3v1 with Optimus taking on Megatron and his second in command, has a good amount of tension to it, and it also doesn't outstay it's welcome, it's duration is pretty much perfect. Revenge of the Fallen makes the legitimate improvement of mostly ditching the shakycam, the hand-held cam is still here, and it's a bit more controlled this time, and the excellent mounted and panning shots are still excellent, benefited by visual effects that are about on par with the first, so still really good looking, but they really should calm down with the tracking, evidently Michael Bay doesn't know how to keep a camera still, and it actually annoys me in some scenes. There's one scene that's particularly annoying, with Starscream and Megatron on a roof, there are six shots in this scene, and all of them are tracking wide shots with either left to right or right to left camera movement, there are no close ups, no mounted, minimal angling, every shot in this sequence is the same, it's dull to look at. But here's where we get to the real problems; the film's climax, this time taking place in Egypt for some reason, is about 45 minutes long, now I wouldn't have as much of a problem with this were it not for a few things. For starters, the Transformers aren't the focus of this climax, the focus of the climax is Sam getting to Optimus Prime, and essentially having to go through a warzone to get there, this could work if the battle wasn't stupidly long, but it is, and if the human characters were decent, which they're not, in this climax I wanted Devastator to step on John Turtorro and the roommate, and while it kind of makes sense that Sam's parents are there, subbing them out for Megan Fox and having less of all 3 of them would have made it more watchable, even if Megan Fox does drop a solid(ish) F bomb. Easily the biggest flaw with this entire sequence is how excessive it all is; it goes on for far too long, and there's no substance to it at all, and the explosions get repetitive. And for some stupid reason Michael Bay seems to like explosions that explode like fireworks, but it makes them look less like explosions and more like pyrotechnics, they look too controlled, which is weird given how out of control everything else is. It goes on for so long, and there are so many things going on, so many useless characters, so many Autobots and Decepticons, so many explosions, it gets really numbing at a point. And what I find both most bizarre and most inexcusable is the laziness of this film's editing; the first film reused footage a few times, which was lazy, but not like this, they not only reuse shots from this film, they reuse footage from the first Transformers movie, multiple times, and they mirrored and reversed at least one shot, which makes me think that it isn't just one, I'm honestly surprised that with a budget of $200 million, they still couldn't be arsed, and just recycled footage.

So this film's got problems, lots of problems, but maybe there's at least a bit of hope if the film was consistent and made sense, well, assuming you haven't noticed yet, the film is not consistent, in fact it makes absolutely no sense. One of the biggest WTF's of the film is Alice; a 'sexy' student at Sam's college that turns out to be a Decepticon spy, which in and of itself isn't the problem, the problem is that she's a Transformer, she is a Cybertronian robot that transforms into a human. Ignoring for a second the fact that it makes literally no sense that a non-biological organism (NBE as they were designated by Sector Seven in the first film,) can transform into a perfect imitation of a biological organism, it's one of the stupidest sights the film has to offer, it looks completely absurd when a metal tentacle fires out of her mouth, and even worse in a dreadful close up of her face as she 'transforms,' an effect that looks more like a person's face being slagged by molten metal. But the biggest problem is also, ironically, the smallest, as this film is full of so many tiny little inconsistencies, like Alice being a robot, or the fact that apparently no one kept a record of Cybertronian history, or the fact Sam didn't think to use a shard of the Allspark to revive Optimus after the Decepticons used one to revive Megatron, or the fact that apparently "raw power" can kill a Transformer and then bring it back to life. How is it that touching a shard of the Allspark can send Sam insane after he held the entire Allspark for most of the first film's climax, how come 5 Decepticons went to the ocean floor and six came back up even though they killed one of their own for parts, from where did Sam get that big arse Knife and from where did Megan Fox get that very professional looking bandage in the middle of a desert. I'm still going, how about Sam now having a destiny, one tied to literally tens of thousands of years of Human and Cybertronian history, even though the only reason anyone wanted him in the first film was the glasses, how about why didn't the Fallen swoop in and snatch the Allspark instead of sitting around doing nothing on Saturn for a few dozen millennia, or how can the Primes can bring Sam back from the dead, and how do they think he's worthy of wielding the Matrix, even though the Fallen, who is clearly not worthy, can also wield it, and not have it turn to dust in his hands like it did for Sam, or how Jetfire defected from the Decepticons because he didn't want to live a life of hate, when the leader of the Autobots is going around ripping off faces and ripping out Sparks like a psychopath. Are you getting the point, plot holes can be forgiven if minor or few in number, but this film is so sloppy and full of plot holes that it completely collapses, it destroys itself with how loosely and messily it all comes together as a whole, if you can even call what's on offer here a whole.

Is Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen terrible, at this point I'm sure you know my answer to that. The film does make improvements in a couple of aspects, the film's presentation has seen minor improvements, with less shakycam and more tracking shots, though even they start to get annoying, and they Got Starscream right, Megatron about half right, and Optimus Prime about a quarter right, so that's something. Other than that though, there's very little to like in this film, as all of the first film's biggest failings have remained unfixed. Even the action, which is as entertaining here as it was in the first, outstays it's welcome something absurd, and ends up being boring. But without a shadow of a doubt, this film's biggest failures are its story, characters, and comedy; the plot is so riddled with holes and so prone to nonsensical logic and retconing that it falls apart, the characters vary from serviceable to face punch worthy, with the majority leaning towards the latter, the film tries so desperately to be funny, with results ranging from dull and humourless to offensively un-funny, and the film's constant use of obnoxious stereotypes does nothing but hurt it more. Add on to that the fact that it doesn't give a shit about the story it's trying to tell with the material that it's pulling from, and you piss me off both as a fan of movies and a fan of Transformers. I don't think Revenge of the Fallen is unwatchable like some people claim, but it's most certainly terrible, and it's a film I'd recommend avoiding, but bring round some friends and break out the alcohol and maybe then this film can be enjoyed, just not for the reasons the people behind it intended.

Darkest Hour movie review

Here's what you need to know; it's 1940, and the unstoppable advance of the Nazis across Europe has sent the British Parliament into complete anarchy, forcing the resignation of the Prime Minister, and triggering the creation of a new Government, with Winston Churchill, the most hated man in the party, as PM. Churchill isn't prepared to let his detractors win however, as he defiantly pushes forward against the undefeatable Germans, still holding onto his belief that Britain should never bow to the Reich, but should resist its tyranny until the very end, even if the very end means the complete destruction of Britain itself.
I'd pretty much concluded that I'd not be watching this film in cinemas since I went to see Three Billboards a few weeks ago, given that I've been grinding away on Borderlands 2 since the start of December, but as usually happens, I took up the opportunity to go to the cinemas again and went to see this, an Oscar nominated political drama, I can imagine the person I saw it with wasn't expecting it to be so political.

The film's opening struck me immediately; with grainy black and white footage showcasing the Nazi's military might, the use of music in this sequence is fantastic, setting a very sombre and bleak tone that accompanies certain points of the film. I say only certain points because this film actually has humour in it, a surprising amount in fact; and unlike the last film I reviewed, and especially like the next, this one's actually funny. But the film doesn't overdo it, the comedy, while there, and effective, is sparse, Darkest Hour is a Drama and a Political Thriller, and it makes sure to stay on target for the vast majority of its runtime. This film is also very much about the politics; don't go into this film expecting a biopic about Winston Churchill, that's in here, but the film very specifically takes place in the early stages of him being PM, portraying the political crisis of the time, both the one coming from Europe, and the one coming from within the conservative party, as the knives come out against Churchill, it's nice to know that British politics hasn't changed. That however may work to the film's detriment, as this is a very political film; there's a lot of political jargon getting thrown around, and, it being a historical piece, a lot of references to real world people and events that will leave a casually viewer that doesn't care much for history a bit lost. The film's more intense moments usually take place inside the tight, claustrophobic, beautifully shot confines of the war rooms, so don't expect to see anything like Dunkirk or Saving Private Ryan, there's practically none of that here. A major subplot in this film is the conspiracy in the Conservative party to trigger a vote of no confidence, while also trying to pressure Churchill into entering negotiations with the Germans, Operation Dynamo A.K.A Dunkirk also has a big part to play in this film's story, and is a cool parallel on the events of the recent Dunkirk film, though the two aren't related. Also, like Dunkirk, the film doesn't stay entirely true to historical events, it goes off book in a few key scenes, this I'm alright with, since it's a film, and films generally need to take on some sort of narrative or dramatic structure, so as for them doing a bit of fictionalising to make the film more coherent, if anything it's a good thing, as it makes for a hyper badass ending speech, and a really sweet scene with Churchill on the London Underground, and I mean sweet in the mushy sense, unfortunately.

In addition to being heavily political, the film is also quite heavily dramatic, as Churchill takes on various forms of opposition, including but not limited to the threat of a coming German invasion, and the threat of him being ousted from his position as PM through political backstabbing. What's strange is the film's portrayal of Churchill himself, as the film doesn't portray him as a wise, kind old man, but instead as a mumbling, rude alcoholic with a temper and questionable judgement, in his first scene with Lily James, he makes her cry and run out of the room, though it is played for comedy. Churchill, despite being a twat in some scenes, is absolutely the highlight of the film, and naturally a huge part of that is Gary Oldman, who's practically unrecognisable in the role under all that makeup, and mumbling, but IRL Churchill was a mumbler, so that's bonus points. I found myself really liking Churchill in the film, as it delves into his reasoning for the actions he takes, and him and Lily James have some really good scenes together, as well as with Kristen Scott Thomas, who plays his wife. Possibly the second best thing in the film behind Churchill is Ben Mendelsohn as King George, who starts off on very rough terms with Churchill, but the evolution of their relationship from enemies to friends was really awesome to watch. The film also delves a bit into George and the reasons for his actions too, and it lends the film an excellent sense of scale, expanding its scope beyond the confines of the war rooms, as he is forced to also consider the prospect of his nation being invaded by the Germans, which, as well as expanding the film's scope, excellently adds a sense of bleakness that is reflected brilliantly in a few scenes throughout the film, including the opening. The film does however, surprisingly, have a lack of war scenes, clearly that's not the point of the film, but I was still surprised that this film didn't focus more on the war itself, it doesn't effect the film anyway, but it's definitely something to keep in mind if you want some excitement in your viewing experience, this film isn't very exciting. The film's characters really are the highlights, that and the excellent speech, damn that was a good speech, though it is a bit more dramatic in the film than it is in real life, just a bit.

Darkest Hour is a fascinating film; I can see this film easily boring a lot of casual movie goers with its intense focus on politics, but the drama and comedy redeem that political stuff, assuming it's not your cup of tea, I personally found it really interesting. But what really makes this film worth watching is it's cast; Gary Oldman, Ben Mendelsohn, Lily James and Kristen Scott Thomas are all really, really good, particularly Ben Mendelsohn and, of course, Gary Oldman, who, if I gave a shit about the Academy Awards, would say deserves to win that best actor award, as he completely steals the show. Darkest Hour is not for everyone, but if you fancy a good drama that's excellently performed, of you fancy a bit of politics that isn't complete bullshit, Darkest Hour's for you, I'd say it's worth watching.

Transformers (2007) movie review

Here's what you need to know; Sam Witwicky is having trouble attracting the ladies, and reckons his new car, a 1975 Camaro, will improve his chances, little does he know what he's about to find himself embroiled in, as a US military base is wiped out by an unknown enemy, and mysterious beings begin raining from sky, he discovers that his car is in fact a Transformer, and that an ancient, alien war is on its way to Earth, one that will leave the fate of Humanity hanging in the balance.
Backstory time, 10 years ago I watched a film, and that film was the coolest thing 11 year old me had ever seen, that film was Transformers, and it introduced me to a franchise that I've held close to my heart ever since. But while I went on to love shows like Transformers: Prime and games like Fall of Cybertron, my love of the films waned significantly, as I was becoming more critical of films, and I was realising that they aren't all that good. Fast forward to now, I bought the original movie from 1986 on Blu ray, and watched it a few times, and then I started listening to Steve Jablonsky's score for the 2007 movie, which I already had on Blu ray, along with the rest of the series, because I knew this day would come, the day I go on a Transformers kick. What surprised me was how little of this film I actually remembered, which if anything just means I can watch it fresh, so does Transformers suck, let's find out.

The film, in all honesty, probably has the best opening that a transformers film could have, as we have a little prologue where Optimus Prime pontificates about the Allspark, and we see probably the coolest scene in the film right out the gate, as a Decepticon wreaks havoc on a Military base in Qatar,though this scene is actually a perfect metaphor for the rest of the film, including the warts, oh those warts. This is actually a somewhat interesting film for me, as while the common consensus is that this franchise sucks, there are actually good things about this film, there are also bad things, but we'll get round to explaining later. This film's characters leave me somewhat conflicted; let's start with Sam, the film tries to make Sam believable as a dorky social outcast who can't get ladies, and it does it well, the problem the film has however is making him likable, as it struggles to differentiate endearing and annoying. Some of the humour in the film works, and some of it doesn't; the parents for example are not funny, they're awkward and annoying, and while that was probably the film's intention, it does it too well. The same can be said of Megan Fox, whose name in the film I don't remember, some of her humour works, and some of it's really awkward, and then you have the inconsistent delivery, which only makes the awkward worse. A problem that sadly isn't unique to Megan Fox is shallowness, the film struggles with developing its characters effectively, Sam is exactly the same character at the end of the film as he is at the start, and while the film weaves an interesting past with a family artefact of his, that doesn't make Sam any more compelling, it's just a plot convenience if anything, the film tries to give Megan Fox a backstory that's morally muddy, but it still fails to make her character any more compelling. The line between funny and annoying is also walked by John Turturro, who plays a Sector Seven agent on the tail of the Transformers, but it's a problem that applies to everyone in this film, so going case by case would be a waste of time. The standouts in my opinion are the soldiers, they were very conventional soldier characters, yes, but there was a good sense of comradery between them, and they actually put up a fight against the Decepticons, making them not completely useless. The film juggles several plots for its absurdly long runtime of 140 minutes, and it's at least consistent in its flaws, as they all suffer from poor attempts at comedy and shallow, poorly developed characters, it's cool to see these three main plots converge in the finale, though there is a distinct divide between the three in terms of being engaging, and none of them are free of the film's flaws. You have the story with Sam and the Autobots, then the story with the Secretary of the Defence, the unrealistically hot Australian hacker and her basement dwelling video game playing super hacker trope friend, then the story of the Qatar airbase soldiers being stalked across the desert by a giant Cybertronian scorpion. All of these stories work on paper, as we see a civilian, government, and military perspective on this invasion, the problem is in execution, as the film at times seems to think that it's a comedy, and it's poor characterisation leaves the film severely lacking in emotional weight, the stakes in the more intense moments are weak as hell, and when a supporting character is killed, quite brutally, in the film's finale, it's a frustratingly hollow moment. Add onto that an abrupt ending and you have the essentials of a dumb movie.

Something that very strangely gets sidelined in this film is the Transformers themselves, the film delivers disappointingly little when fleshing out the Transformers, the basics; Autobots, Decepticons, Cybertron, Allspark, are glossed over in a few exposition scenes, but the film falls far, far, far short of doing the story of the Transformers justice, and sadly, that's just the tip of the iceberg. The weak characterisation and poor comedy that plagues the film's human characters, inexcusably, carries over to the Transformers too; Bumblebee probably has the most distinct personality of the Transformers, which is really bad given that he can't talk, Jazz is simply 'cool' as in vague, vacuous cool, Frenzy's a twitchy little shithead, and is admittedly pretty entertaining, and Iron Hide is the heavy weapons specialist, 'nough said. The Decepticons get it the worst in this film, Barricade gets a funny visual wink and nod, Brawl has the strange issue of the writers not knowing what his name is, but what really sticks in my side is Starscream, easily my favourite character in the Transformers franchise, who has literally no personality in this film, none of the character's sliminess or cowardice is present in the film, Blackout gets given more personally than him, and all he says is "All Hail Megatron." But despite this film's injustice towards Starscream, it's nothing compared to what they did to Optimus Prime. Peter Cullen voices Optimus Prime, and not a single ill word can be spoken about that combination, it's timeless, and there are moments when Optimus Prime really gets to shine, he has a great monologue in the film, one that emphasises his values of freedom and his compassion towards humanity, but even with Peter Cullen doing the voice, the wisdom and nobility of Optimus Prime struggles to shine through, instead we get a character that spouts the same clumsy writing as the human characters, and the fish out of water scenario, in addition to being about as standard as you can get, is just unbefitting of the character, as is the line, "Sorry, my bad," it just seems off. Megatron doesn't fair much better sadly, like Optimus Prime, there are instances where he shines, but then there are times when he's just a bad guy, the malicious, tyrannical monster is there, but with none of cunning. Apart from mutilating one Autobot and having the obligatory fight with Optimus at the end, he doesn't really do much, which is made even sadder by the fact Hugo Weaving is really good with the voice, and again, like Optimus, there are slithers of Megatron buried in there somewhere beneath the shallow characterisation and clumsy writing, he has a great line about Optimus fighting for the weak, the film just needed more. Make no mistake, this isn't as bad as Thunderbirds, where they replaced the Tracy brothers with boy band members, or Godzilla, where they replaced Godzilla with whatever that thing was, this film gives you the basics of the Transformers lore and doesn't completely shit on it, I just wish they focused more on the Transformers, rather than Sam and his awkward parents, or the US Government not knowing what country to go to war with.

So far I've been, shall we say, unkind to this film, but I did say that there are good things in this film, and that at some point I'd get round to them, well sadly I'm not done criticising yet, so be patient. The film, as previously stated, is long, really long even at 140 minutes, and a film with a runtime like that can still be great; The Dark Knight, which came out a year later and was 10 minutes longer, was amazing, but where this film slips up can be quite adequately summarised in the first 10 minutes of the film. We are first shown an action sequence with Blackout wiping out the US Army in Qatar, this scene is action packed and exciting, and is one of the times when Steve Jablonsky's excellent music really comes into its own, the scene doesn't outstay it's welcome, but what follows is a complete detachment from that scene, both in terms of story and, more importantly, in terms of tone. We go from people dying and the Army being powerless to stop it, emboldened by Jablonsky's music, to Sam being stupid in a class room, while being laughed at by the cool kids who think that sextant is a funny word, in addition to being really immature, given the previous few minutes of death and destruction, the tonal shift from that death and destruction to childish immaturity is really jarring, and this isn't the only time the film does this, as it bounces from awkward high school comedy with Sam, to political thriller with the Secretary of Defence, to war film with the soldiers in Qatar, it's like three films got smashed together, and it really hurts the film's pacing. Equally damaging to the film's pacing is the previously mentioned poor comedy and poor characterisation, which make getting invested in the characters a challenge, leaving only the serviceable sci fi thriller plot to drag it out of the dirt, one that's bogged down by awkward humour, what's truly funny is how all of this film's flaws stack on top of one another, making it harder and harder to like the film the more you think about it, wait, how many paragraphs in am I? That's not a bad note to start talking about the good on, yes, despite 2 and a half paragraphs of negatives, it's now time to get to the positives. In terms of presentation, the film is a mixed bag; and for once I speak not of visual effects, which are actually kind of flawless across the board. The CG effects are fantastic, the Transformers look really nice, their transformations are massively intricate, as are their robot modes, with so many moving parts that it's honestly staggering that it looks as good as it does, and this film even uses practical effects in some shots, which is both unexpected and really nice, but that's because I'm a sucker for practical effects, so seeing a physical, real Frenzy aboard Air Force One, before again seeing the CG one scampering across the ceiling and taking out secret service guys, reinforces the illusion that these things are supposed to be physical.

What I mean by mixed bag is editing and cinematography; some of the cinematography is excellent in this film, even if a lot of it stinks of Michael Bay, but I guess he knows that the only way to make a sunset more beautiful is to silhouette a MH-53 helicopter against it, I'm telling you, it's downright pornographic. On the subject of pornographic, this film is directed by Michael Bay and stars Megan Fox, and we all know what that means; a lot of shots of ass and midriff, I don't really know how appropriate that is for a film based on a kids show, and if anything it's one of the Michael Bayisms in this film that borders on obnoxious. My biggest issue with the cinematography is the shaky cam, which the film uses a lot, and doesn't go very well with the fluid, gorgeous cinematography showcasing the CG Transformers. The opening sequence with the attack on the base has this problem, while also showcasing that Bay knows how to make an action sequence that isn't completely incoherent, the film uses a lot of hand-held camera shots, which look good alongside the delicious mounted and tracking shots, but at the justifiable expense of the shaky cam, which is just plain bad. The editing is mostly solid, save for the film's weird habit of reusing footage, in fact in the first 5 minutes there's a scene where they use the same shot, as in literally the same shot, twice in the span of 15 seconds, they use another 2 shots from the base attack, as well as a shot from a car chase later in the film, again during the setup to the finale, maybe it's something only an aspie like myself would spot, and I will admit that it doesn't destroy the viewing experience, but it's just something I noticed. Another thing that I think is solid about this film is its music, with a score composed by Steve Jablonsky, granted it's not the most original musical score in existence, especially if you've seen any films with scores by the likes of Hans Zimmer, but the music can be effective in this film at times, I like it. And on a note that I honestly can't knock the film for, in the finale, when the Autobots and Decepticons finally throw down, it's entertaining, granted it's very mindlessly entertaining, there isn't any grace to it, similar to the good parts of a Roland Emmerich film, but I guess that's exactly what a kid would want to see in a film about giant alien robots fighting each other, I know, I was there. It honestly is a lot of fun watching this film's finale, it's big, dumb and action packed, as Transformers are flying and driving around and pounding each other into scrap metal, it's not particularly stylish or flashy, in fact it's kind of a mess, but it's fun, I can't deny that. And the film's ending, while abrupt, does leave the film on a positive note, following the cool battle.

This may be the longest movie review I've ever written, but I suppose I've just got a lot to say about this film. Transformers is a very interesting film for me, because I don't hate it, nor do I want to hate it. The film is not good; it's overly long, poorly paced, has bad writing (kind of like my reviews,) has underdeveloped and weak characters, a muddled plot, and only a surface level representation of the Transformers. But the film has excellent special effects, some excellent, if baseline music, some excellent cinematography, shaky cam notwithstanding, and some really fun action, as the Transformers kick the piss out of one another in the film's climax. I do have fun when I watch this film, it's a completely serviceable movie; not good, but not bad enough that you want it to die in a fire, I hear that comes later. Transformers is a perfectly competent, if dumb movie, and it's not a complete waste of time to watch.

A winter wasteland

 My camera and I had a busy few days over the weekend; first we went to a birthday party and took a few hundred grainy, dark photos of drunk people, I'll be honest, that wasn't the most fun thing I've ever done with a camera, but the party people seemed to like them, and I got video of my drunk sister dancing to Dua Lipa's New Rules, which is about as funny as it is awkward. Fortunately my camera had a far more exciting mission the following day, when we had to take my sister back to Uni, which meant driving to Huddersfield, again. As is only right, I insisted that we drive over the Moor again, as I'd packed my camera again and we could see that the moor was covered in snow, and to my surprise, we actually did end up driving over the Moor, and it was awesome. Honestly, these will probably be the best photos I'll take in 2018, and trudging through snow, eyeing rolling snow covered hills and a gorgeous sunset through the lens of a DSLR camera, is just on another level of euphoria to being surrounded by drunk strangers, though that's just me. And as I sometimes do, I went a bit cuckoo on my free photo editor of choice, and created a few hyper saturated abominations that make the sky look like it's on fire, but it never hurts to have fun, unless you're a sadomasochist.

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri movie review (with spoilers)

Here's what you need to know; in the quiet, unassuming town of Ebbing, Missouri, the rape and murder of Mildred Hayes' daughter has been all but forgotten, but after months of the case going nowhere, Mildred decides that the police in charge of the case need a little more motivation, completely aware that the three billboards she plans to put up will bring complete chaos to the little town, and make her a lot of new enemies, what she doesn't know is just how insane things are about to get, and of the unlikely friends she makes in her quest for justice.
In an unexpected twist, my dad is the one who wanted to watch this film, after reading in the local paper that it was the best film ever, I actually fancied watching Darkest Hour instead, but I didn't mind watching Three Billboards, since I'd heard such good things, my concern was actually that dad would fall asleep, second unexpected twist, he actually didn't, to my surprise, third unexpected twist, we really liked it, and won't shut up about it, I guess I now know how that feels. On an important note, I will be bringing up spoilers in this review, but I'll save them for the end, and trust me, if you have any interest in watching the film, which you should, you don't want spoilers, so give them a skip if you haven't seen it.

Three Billboards is a hard film to talk about, since it's such an interestingly structured film; a lot of the beats you'd expect in a film like this never happen, it's something that must immediately be brought up, since a lot of audience expectation is going to be subverted and undermined, what this means however is that this film is an amazing piece of storytelling, the film's twists are excellent and the directions it takes a lot of its characters is striking, there are moments in this film that were really giving me the feels, as huge emotional moments were happening, and I genuinely didn't see a lot of them coming, one in particular that really changed how I look at this film, for the better. This does mean that people who want a certain thing out of their films will possibly be disappointed; someone who looks at this film wanting a go-girl quest for Justice will not be getting that, the film doesn't play it safe with its story, nor does it play it clean, which is something I adored about it. If you'd watch the red-band trailer on YouTube, you'd know that this film has some colourful vocabulary, but believe me, the trailer was just a taste, Frances McDormand, Woody Harrelson and the rest of the cast fuck, piss, shit, cunt, bitch and nigger their way through this entire film and it is hilarious, way more so than it really should be, but the film's language doesn't feel out of place, rather it feels justified, deserved, it works for the story and characters, and I can't stress enough how funny it is. This film doesn't hold itself back, not just in its language, but in its content and depiction of violence, which is both unexpected and extreme; this film deals with a lot of touchy subjects like domestic abuse, police brutality, racism, and depression and grief in a very brutally honest way, and despite showing some real nasty shit, it still manages to be an uplifting film, that is down to the fantastic writing, but it's even more down to the excellent characters. Frances McDormand's Mildred is not your typical hero in this film, she's not this paragon in search of justice like a film with this subject matter could have employed, rather, she's kind of cunt; she's in it for justice, sure, but she doesn't care about how other people may feel about it, and she doesn't get weighed down by the abuse and harassment her and her son get, she just gives it back, and it's usually violent, which in this context is interchangeable with hilarious. It's amazing that the film can take a character like Mildred and make her so likable, but it does, she's awesome, you're completely on board with her one-woman army mentality, even when the film forces you question whether or not what she's doing is right, which is actually does, rather than making Mildred a Mary Sue. This is where Woody Harrelson's Willoughby comes in, the Chief of police and seemingly the target of Mildred's campaign, this is another area where the film doesn't play it safe; as Mildred and Willoughby are both going through turmoil in their lives, and are actually sympathetic to each other's problems, Willoughby isn't played as a villainous, lazy cop who never does anything to catch the bad guy, he's a family man, he's loved by the community, and wants to get justice for Mildred and her murdered daughter, he's legitimately a good dude, the villainous, lazy cop role is instead filled by Sam Rockwell, who plays Dixon. Dixon is the epitome of douchebag in this film; he doesn't care about his job, abuses his position of authority in the police force, and is the antagonistic force in Mildred's crusade, as his hatred for the billboards is unjustifiably intense. And it would have been so easy to make Rockwell the villain of the film, since he's such a monumental twat, but this is where the film really takes risks, as it gives this racist, arrogant, hateful, abusive guy a chance at redemption, one that makes him a surprisingly humble and likable character, and is another testament to this film's excellent storytelling. Also Peter Dinklage is in this film, and he rocks that pornstar moustache like a boss, and did I mention this film was funny. The film is darkly comedic, yes, but it's also very well paced, I was never bored, and clearly neither was my dad. If there is a flaw with the film's storytelling however, one which I myself don't hold to be a flaw, the film's ending is abrupt; the film doesn't build to a big climactic conclusion, instead relying on implication to round out its story, and I know for sure that the final big twist of the film is something that a lot of people will not like, I'll explain why when I break out the spoilers, and I personally really like it, but I can understand why others would not, even why they would hate it, it's just one of those divisive endings, I guess.

Right, now for the spoilery stuff, the real reasons I love this film, so there's the warning, there's going to be Spoilers for Three Billboards past this point, so if you don't want them, which you don't, skip to the end. I'll start with Sam Rockwell's Dixon. For the majority of the film, he does fill an antagonistic role; with the film repeatedly referring to his history of being abusive to black people, which makes for a scene that had me in stitches when Mildred tries to get a rise out of him by asking about the nigger torturing, and he tries to correct her by being politically correct, arguing that it's now people-of-colour torturing, which almost made me keel over from laughter. But there's a scene where he goes to the offices of the guy who's renting the billboards out to Mildred and gets really violent, smashing their front door in, punching him and his assistant in the face, and then throwing him out of an upstairs window, which is about as low as he gets in this film, and is made even better by the fact that it costs him his job. I bring this up because it's at this point that his redemption begins, through circumstances I won't go into, he ends up in the hospital, and ends up sharing a room with the guy he threw out of a window, and he says sorry. Past that point he instigates a bar fight with someone who he overhears bragging about something that sounds very similar to Hildred's Daughter's murder, with the goal of collecting DNA evidence, right now in the film he's on his way being a hero, as it looks like him, of all people, will be the one who gets justice for Mildred, and by the end of the film, him and Mildred form some sort of alliance/friendship in their now shared quest for vengeance. Like I said earlier, the film could have easily just made him the villain, and he'd have been a serviceable villain, but it didn't, because this film isn't that simple. What else isn't that simple is Mildred; there's a scene where we see that Mildred really is on her own in this campaign, even her son and ex-husband hate the billboards, and we see it really straining the relationship between her and her son, and the film goes out of its way to not be one-sided. You get why her son hates the billboards, and you get why she feels the need to push forward, because she has nothing left; her relationship with her son is broken, she's lived an abusive life with her ex-husband, she's been all but forgotten by the rest of Ebbing, and, something we learn in a very dark scene, she feels responsibility for her daughter's murder, and it's this exploration of grief and guilt that is yet another reason I love the film. Then there's Willoughby, who is terminally ill, there's a few things about that that caught me by complete surprise, first, when he suddenly coughs up blood during a scene with Mildred, it literally comes out of nowhere, it happens mid sentence, and things like that add weight to the film, the film grounds itself in things like that; it's hard to find justice when there's no evidence to make any arrests, which really sucks when you're a grieving mother, but when you're the chief of police, there's not a lot you can do, unexpected things will happen, and some of them will be bad things, like terminal illness, or a murder, the film does a good job of giving its characters positive and negative attributes, even its heroes. And then Willoughby kills himself. I'll be honest, that was the moment that I decided that I loved this film, it cemented Willoughby in my mind as an awesome character, and it brought a new level of weight to the film, as we hear through a narrated suicide note his reasons for taking his own life, and it's simultaneously beautiful and harrowing, and puts the previous ten minutes or so of the film in a context that punched me in the gut with how good it was. The fact that he likens the billboards to a game of Chess, and admits to paying for the next month of her rent as his countermove, was fucking brilliant. And then there's the biggest spoiler of all, they don't catch the killer, yup, after an entire film of trying to get justice, Mildred ends up not getting justice. This is easily the most unsafe play the film makes, since you'd really expect that in the end, there'd be a happy ending, but there's not, the guy who Dixon suspected wasn't the killer. This is what I think will really disappoint some viewers, even piss them off, but I think it's brilliant; the film has relentlessly never given any of its characters a break, to me, it would have been weird for the film to change that for the sake of a happy ending, and I can understand why it would piss people off that the murderer ends up not going down, but I love it all the same, as well as Mildred's decision to screw justice and settle for revenge, as her and Dixon set out to murder Dixon's suspect, who isn't their guy, but who Dixon is convinced is a rapist. It's then left ambiguous as to whether or not they kill the guy, or even if he is or isn't a rapist, which is a bit unfulfilling, but is no doubt deliberately so, since the film had been so unapologetic up to that point, and up until that point hadn't given a damn about audience expectation or fulfilment.

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri is a film that I love more and more the more I think about it, and I wasn't even too excited to watch it, but damn is it good. Where the film really shines is in its characters and writing, with it's strange ability to make thoroughly unlikable people likable, and it's insistence on using adult language like it was going out of style, but what really makes this film stand out to me is how it tells its story, with twists and turns and a subversive ending that, in keeping with the bleak tone of the film, really worked, the film is an alluring mix of comical and entertaining, and morbidly depressing, and I really enjoyed it. Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri is great, and is definitely worth watching.

Moar Blu Rays: December 2017

New year, new idea, and no, it isn't converting to Buddhism or throwing myself off a cliff, though both of those options have been on the table in just the past few days, 2018's off to a great start. The new idea comes from me running out of Blu Ray storage space, since I have so many of them, literally hundreds, and since there's always a steady supply of new ones coming in, I thought maybe keeping up to date on them would be a good idea. Christmas saw a heavy influx of new Blu Rays this year, so if I bother to do one of these every month, which is the plan right now, this one will be a lot bigger than usual. Since the start of December, I've acquired 21 new Blu Rays, and we'll start with the obvious; half of them are Marvel movies, that's simply because Infinity War is coming, and I want to catch up with the last decade of Marvel releases before it comes out, only Hulk to go now and I'll have the complete set, I just have to then watch them. We also have 4 Tim Burton films, only one of which I give a shit about, and that's The Nightmare Before Christmas, but it was bundled with Ed Wood, Alice in Wonderland and Frankenweenie, 3 films I haven't seen, and am not in a rush to see, maybe Frankenweenie, maybe. Surprisingly, while I'm unashamedly a fan of the new Disney Star Wars films (crucify me, go ahead) I only own Rogue One and The Force Awakens on Blu Ray, so I decided to rectify that and buy the complete set. Upside, I now have the complete Star Wars collection on Blu Ray, downside, I now have the Star Wars Prequels on Blu Ray, but that's all very by the by. Possibly one of the strangest films to now be a part of my collection is The Transformers: The Movie, the original animated film from 1986, I was actually quite the little Transformers fan in my younger years, and while it was a really dumb, stupid movie, I saw it at HMV for £10 and bought it without hesitation. Dunkirk, given that it was in my top 5 favourite films of 2017, I really don't think that one needs an explanation. Then there's Atomic Blonde and American Made, two films that I'm lumping together because they were in the category of films I saw in cinemas that I never reviewed, not because they're comparable, because they're not, but they are both alright films. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, a surprise addition, coming from someone who assumed that it would make an alright Christmas present, but I didn't think it looked that bad from the trailers, so I'll probably end up putting that one at the top of the pile, figuratively speaking. And then there's the odd one out; Shin Godzilla. I did enjoy it when I first watched it and wrote my review, but me and some friends watched it just a few weeks ago, and they were bored out of their minds, and I couldn't blame them, because I was bored too. So why's it in my Blu Ray collection instead of my foreign language DVD's, simple; it's Godzilla, All Monsters Attack is a fucking terrible movie, but if I ever had the chance to get it on Blu Ray, I'd jump on it, because it's Godzilla. And with that concludes my December 2017 Blu Ray hoard, January 2018 will be smaller, but I'm cool with that, because movies are pretty much the only things left in my life that I get any enjoyment out of, so I might as well keep feeding that addiction.