But do you know what, people are arseholes; if they want to talk to you and treat you like you're a retard or a child, if they want to blame you and expect you to apologise to their shitty attitude and behaviour, fuck them, and if they don't like you giving them shit back, they can sit down and shut their mouths. 2019 was the year I gave up trying to be accommodating of bad attitudes and embraced my inner sadist, because it's better that they hate me than they think I'm a Doormat, and if they're going to hate me regardless, it's better that I have fun with it than let it kill me. If you couldn't tell, it's not been an easy year, and as usual, one of my refuges was the cinema, a place where the pressures and annoyances of the real world disappear and all that's left is the magic of the big screen, or at least, that should be the case, and for most of the films I'm going to talk about today, that was the case, but it's that time again when everyone's doing top ten lists of their favourite films of the year, and I've done it since I started in 2015 so why stop now.
In addition to my favourite films of the year, I've seen a handful of films this year that I did not enjoy for whatever reason, so they're getting a mention today too, because with regards to most of them, some dead horses just need an extra beating to be sure. And these are not the best films of the year, these are my subjective top ten of the films I saw, I never saw Rocketman, only saw the first half of The Irishman, and 1917, a film I'm really excited for, isn't out until January. On the flip side, there's a lot of shit I didn't watch this year too; Terminator: Dark Fate, Charlie's Angels, Black Christmas or Cats, all films that would no doubt be among my least favourite of the year based on what I've seen and heard. So you may think I'm too harsh to a lot my second-raters, and too nice to a lot of my top ten, but this is subjective, these are my best and worst films of 2019.
Number ten was a toss-up between three films this year; Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker and Us are two of those films that left me very conflicted. The former is a very enjoyable sci-fi fanstay adventure with some beautiful visuals, fun action and a story that falls apart at the seams and annoys the crap out of me. The Latter meanwhile is a creepy, creative horror film with some amazing setups and payoffs, a midpoint twist that makes the film crazy awesome, and an ending that brings it all crashing down. I guess that makes these pups the honourable mentions this year.
Second-Raters: Glass
Glass is a film I didn't review when I saw it, because if my bringing back of Halloween week on Christmas eve doesn't clue you in, I haven't really been on top of reviewing things this year, but it was a film I was excited to see after enjoying Split and being completely hooked by its big twist. Then Glass happened, or rather, the finale of Glass happened, because everything was going fine until our three main heroes and villains all die completely unceremoniously, and the film throws in a big twist that, unlike Split's, doesn't hook me, in fact it made me roll my eyes. Glass is a good example of a good set up and completely botched payoff, so it's business as usual for Shyamalan.
Top Ten: Avengers: Endgame
So why did this film win out against Star Wars and Us, well, as I explained before, I love those films, but I also hate them; both of them have moments of brilliance and moments of complete mediocrity. Avengers: Endgame meanwhile has no identity crisis like Us and isn't a mess like Star Wars, it's not just the culmination of the MCU, it's the tribute, it pulls the series' greatest heroes together for one final stand against the biggest, bestest, most purple super villain in comic book movie history. It's timey-wimey plot is clumsy and has more than a handful of holes in it, but it's the emotional payoff of seeing Iron Man's and Captain America's stories end that makes Endgame so memorable, that and its balls to the wall mad finale.
Top Ten: It Chapter Two
It Chapter Two was not its predecessor, but like I said in my review for the film, its predecessor was lightning in a bottle, so it was never going to be. But even if it is basically a three hour long epilogue to the first film, that doesn't mean it's without charm or merit. It Chapter Two was funny at times, weaker on horror than the first, and a grind in its middle hour, but as a character drama, it's every bit as strong as the first and a perfect companion to it. And as much as I love the villain of the two films, he's not a villain I want to see again, because this film, like the first, isn't about a killer clown, it's about a group of friends, and any sequel or prequel to this film would completely miss the point.
Second-Raters: Captain Marvel
Captain Marvel isn't a completely irredeemable mess; it has Ben Mendelson and cool MCU Cosmic stuff, but it also has a hero that sucks. Carol Danvers is about as charming and endearing as a table, and about as flat as one too, she's not deep or compelling or funny, he's not humble or heroic, she's not vulnerable or flawed, she's an indestructible flying fireball who never needed to prove anything to anyone, even the audience, apparently. And then there's the film's message of female empowerment, which the film completely botches by being exactly what you'd expect; feminist garbage about standing up to the patriarchy and not needing to improve because women are already perfect. I said in my review that Captain Marvel single-handedly tanked her own movie, and I still think she did, and I fully appreciate that my entrenchment in the culture war is a factor in me not liking this film, that being said, it's feminist crap and it sucks, and MCU Cosmic isn't enough to save it.
Top Ten: Toy Story 4
Yet another movie I didn't review this year, this and John Wick 3 were films I wanted to review after reviewing the others, but never got around to doing it and as such, I reviewed neither. That being said, Toy Story 4 was a film I was very cynical about going in, as were a lot of other people, I'm sure, and this film ended up surprising me with how well it carried on the story of Toy Story 3 while also expanding on its ending. This wasn't a cynical sequel like I thought it would have been, it was a fun, gorgeous and emotionally heavy ending for the series, just like Toy Story 3, and probably Toy Story 5, this is Disney we're talking about, after all.
Top Ten: John Wick 3: Parabellum
Did I say I didn't review John Wick 3, well rest assured that I saw it, multiple times, because it's awesome. For years now, I'd heard that the John Wick films were great, and when a friend of mine said he wanted to see John Wick 3, we binged the first two and went straight into 3 that same day, and it was awesome. John Wick is one of the slickest and most entertaining action franchises of recent years, it makes Gun Fu look as cool as it sounds, along with all the other creative and ridiculous ways Wick kills his foes. And each film got more and more ridiculous, to the point that he'll probably end up going to space, because John Wick 3 is that insane, he kills a guy with a book, for god's sake, and the finale with the High Table enforcers and the ninjas, I could watch that shit for hours.
Second-Raters: The Lion King (2019)
When I watch a film I don't like, I usually mellow on it with time, either not caring or becoming at peace with the fact that it isn't good, but with The Lion King, the opposite happened; when I saw it, I didn't like it, now I fucking hate it. It's a film that has the gall to share a name with one of the best films ever made, while having none of the soul, none of the passion, none of the beauty, none of the charm; it's just a lazy, dull remake, and that's something I probably wouldn't mind as much if it wasn't The Lion King, and if so many normies who saw it didn't fall into its trap, because it uses nostalgia as a weapon. It uses the same songs, the same imagery, even uses large chunks of the same script, and its execution is so manufactured and sterile that it hurts. It's casting is a mess; something I'm sure was the result of Disney wanting a more 'authentic' cast or some other corporate, progressive nonsense. And on top of all of that, the film's use of photorealistic CGI just doesn't work; like I said in the review, it's not compatible with the story of The Lion King. It's a film that killed any enthusiasm I had for the Disney remakes, now I just want them to go away.
Top Ten: Shazam!
In a way, there was a Captain Marvel film this year that I liked, and it came from DC in Shazam! This is another film I didn't have much interest in when I saw it, and I ended up really liking it, loving it even. It's not the most wholesome film I've seen this year, but it's definitely wholesome, it's a wonderful little film, one that has fun with the superhero side while also telling a very sweet family story. The film isn't scared of being ugly either, going dark not just in its visuals, but in some of its subject matter, and that, in a story as small and personal as this one, makes this film something a bit special to watch. If this and Aquaman are how DC on film is going to go, then I'm completely on board.
Top Ten: Ready Or Not
If you haven't seen Ready Or Not and or have no intention of doing so, then what are you doing. What may look like an unremarkable black comedy turned out to be one of the most intense, gory, funny and just plain fun films I saw this year. The premise of killer hide and seek is genius, but could have fallen apart if they didn't completely nail it, and they completely nailed it. Ready Or Not is one of those rare films that manages to juggle multiple contradictory tones flawlessly, being as funny as it is nail biting, all leading to a finale that is completely insane. There's very little in this film that I don't like, it's heroine is charming and cunning, it's villains are hilariously stupid, and it's gore is merciless, I still wince when I think about that bit with the nail.
Second-Raters: Godzilla: The Planet Eater
Remember how I said I usually mellow on bad films with time, well the exception to that is when you make me hate something I love, that was the case with The Lion King, and that is even more the case for The Planet Eater, and indeed the Godzilla Anime Trilogy as a whole. This film is so damn boring, it thinks it's so clever and philosophical when in reality, it makes no sense, and the 'fight' between Swolezilla and the Space Noodle might be the most unengaging fight in any Godzilla film, that I've seen at least. It's a pathetic end to a pathetic trilogy, a trilogy that had so much promise; being the first Godzilla anime, set on a distant-future Earth ruled by monsters. None of that potential was delivered, instead we get a pretentious exercise in pseudo-philosophy masquerading as a Godzilla movie, and it sucks.
Top Ten: The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part
No one saw The Lego Movie 2 when it came out, which is a bummer because it was great. It might also be an unpopular opinion that the sequel was better than the first but I honestly think it was, because while the themes and message of the first film are relatable to the obsessive toy collector in me, the themes of this film; sibling rivalry, a battle of the sexes, and learning to let people into our hearts hit me like a truck. I have a sister, and this is the kind of shit we did to each other all the time. The film's employment of its themes in its characters is genius; the invasive sister embodied in the evil Queen Watevra and General Mayhem, and the edge and hard-heartedness of the brother embodied in Rex Dangervest, with the film's heroes torn between them, eventually coming to accept themselves and each other for who they really are. If that isn't wholesome, I don't know what is, and to top it off, the film is really pretty and really funny. This short-lived Lego Movie franchise may effectively be dead, but in my opinion, it went out with one hell of a bang.
Top Ten: Alita: Battle Angel
Bet you never saw this coming. Alita: Battle Angel was a film that got unfairly dragged into the culture war, being positioned by people on both sides as the anti-Captain Marvel, an example of the values preached by that film actually being practiced and done with class. I kind of helped in that, or not, given that barely anyone reads my stuff, but it wasn't my bias against Captain Marvel that brought me to this film's defence, it was my adoration of Alita: Battle Angel. If it wasn't going up against Godzilla: King of the Monsters and The Lego Movie 2, this would be a shoe-in for most underrated film of the year, and it's thanks to the film's awesome world-building, high octane action, insane visual effects and a main character that steals the entire show. I really have to stress just how lovable Alita is, and how intriguing and gripping her story is, I don't want it to end here, which is why I went out and bought the entire Manga, and it and my Junji Ito collection remain the only books on my shelf that I actually read. It's the first film I ever bought on digital because I wanted to see it again, I wanted to share this film with others so they could see it, because only one other film in 2019 made me more enthusiastic about a film that this one, and I'm sure you already know which one.
Second-Raters: Hellboy (2019)
It sure as shit wasn't Hellboy, I can tell you that, because this film was bad. Bad doesn't quite cover it, in fact, because at least all the other second-raters this year had plots, Hellboy has an incoherent pile of events that happen in an order that almost kind of resembles a plot. It's a film about a heroic Demon saving the world from a blood witch and a Demonic invasion, and it somehow manages to make that suspenseless and joyless, which it does by having more than just an incoherent plot, but a roster of characters who all need slapping and visual effects that are absurdly bad, laughably bad. The only film I saw this year that had less soul than Hellboy was The Lion King, and at least that film was competently put together. Hellboy is like a superhero movie from back when the genre hadn't really hit its stride yet, and you'd get films like Fantastic Four, Spawn and Catwoman, and ironically, even the Hellboy films of that time were good, because they came from the heart of a genius filmmaker, where did this come from, if not the deepest bowels of movie studio Hell.
Top Ten: Joker
I can imagine that Joker is on a lot of top ten lists, but there's a good reason for that. Joker is just one of those films, it's hard for a fool like me to really put into words just what makes it so special, but I'm gonna try; the film is an artful dive into the life of Arthur Fleck, a film protagonist who is as much a cautionary tale as he is a spectacle to watch as his life falls even further apart, causing him to collapse into madness and villainy when he finally decides to abandon the world that abandoned him. Calling it a comic book movie is like calling Empire Strikes Back a sci-fi movie, it's not fair on the rest of the genre, because it blows the entire MCU out of the water, and is easily the best DC film in my opinion, yes, even better than The Dark Knight, fight me.
Top Ten: Godzilla: King of the Monsters
Well, well, well, the Godzilla fanatic's favourite film of 2019 was Godzilla, colour me surprised. But in all seriousness, when I said that King of the Monsters was the most excited I've ever been for a film, I meant it, and even after all these months, the joy this film gives me from just the simple fact it exists is enough to make me giggle like a complete lunatic. My bias is showing hard here, or is that just how pleased this film makes me, because seeing all four of these monsters on the big screen is a dream come true, and seeing them brought to life by people who treat them with the respect they deserve, even better. Godzilla: King of the Monsters is a film that doesn't just understand the series' past, it reveres and embraces it, all while infusing it with Blockbuster bombast and spectacle in a way my seven year old self never imagined was possible. I've watched the film in its entirety six times and watched all the monster bits countless times, and do you know what, Rodan dismantling a pack of fighter jets while trying to catch up with the Argo, still awesome, Serizawa saying goodbye to Godzilla before detonating the nuke, still awesome, Godzilla marching into Boston to fight Ghidorah, accompanied by a fleet of warships and fighter jets, not to mention Bear McCreary's awe inspiring and pulse pounding rendition of Akira Ifukube's Godzilla theme, hook it up to my veins. I could go on about all the fuck yeah moments in the film for hours, and while it's easy to criticise the film for its narrative shortcomings, it takes these monsters, thought of by normies as the stars of schlocky old sci-fi movies, and turns them into Gods, and that's enough for me.
And that's it; my favourite and least favourite film of 2019, I'm sure very little of that was surprising, but then again, not a lot of things are these days, but 2019's been a good year for films. There have been hits and misses, box office toppers and bombs, there's been scandal, controversy and outrage, there's been hype and disappointment, and it seems the fun is only just beginning as we go into 2020, and not because there's another Godzilla film coming out, eventually. But there's a Scooby Doo movie coming out, which will be interesting, there's a new Bond film, No Time to Die, which looks kind of crap, and then the big one for me, Ghostbusters: Afterlife, and not just because of all the salt, I promise, though that will be beautiful. And into 2020 we go, let's hope it's a good one. But then again, it was my New Year's Resolution to not lose my cool, and I almost failed on the first day, so I'm certainly off to a great start.
